The Buffoonery

Wow....what an eyeful

2007-12-18T18:17:00.000-05:00

The legs look nice but the rest of it I feel like I'm flying over the America at 20,000 feet....there some water, some land, some hills, some valleys.....I think I see a desert. Wait.....is that the world's largest ball of yarn I see????

Alot seems to be going on in that dress Heidi.

As I take another look it appears as if you can see a monster in that dress....two eyes at the breasts area and then a nose and a mouth with a tongue sticking out. I'm not even drunk or high and I see it.

Do your feet always point in that way or just bad luck of the shot?

Bitter

2007-12-17T22:44:00.000-05:00

This might sound a little bitter but all I have to say is "thanks Jessica Simpson you bitch, you cost me a super bowl appearance and a few hundred bucks". Tony was doing just fine scoring me a ton of points until you show up at a game.

Any by the way....what was that 'thing' under your nose? Big giant wart looking thing.

This brings me to another point......When I see Jessica Simpson I DO NOT see a hot blonde with a nice body.....I just see a MAJOR pain in the ass. Maybe I'm still scarred from the fact that she couldn't figure out what tuna fish was on that dumb MTV show but I just sense she would be horrible to be around and awful in bed.

Another Food Day

2007-12-17T22:41:00.000-05:00

There was another "food day" in my area. Then I started thinking......"these people are bringing in casseroles, big pans of food, etc. Most of them take public transportation.....do they carry this shit on the bus or trolley? Are they smelling up the place?".

I can just imagine someone carrying a casserole full of little mini meatballs riding the bus. They get up and the bus stops short and there go meatballs flying all over everyone.

I hope food days continue until I see some moron come in with a shirt full of meatballs.

Sleeping on the Job

2007-12-17T22:36:00.000-05:00

There are two buildings where I work. They are connected by a bridge on the second floor. In the atrium of the one building is the auditorium and outside the auditorium are a bunch of chairs and couches around in a 'lounge' or 'lobby' like fashion. At any point in time during the day....and especially at lunch.....there are people sitting there sleeping.

There is literally an acceptable nap area where I work. People don't just sit there and close their eyes, they curl up in the chairs.....some even lay across the couches. I once knew a girl who would go to her car for lunch time naps....I thought that was bad....these people have no shame.

One Issue

2007-12-13T06:48:00.000-05:00

Ok....Alicia Keys is hot...we can all agree on that. Pretty face, nice curvaceous hips........HOWEVER.....look at the flapjack breasts. What the hell are they? Perhaps you DON'T have curves in all the right places...seem to be missing a few.

Oh well....still hot.

Shouldn't she know better???

2007-12-13T06:45:00.000-05:00

Are Hollywood stars really THIS vain?

Why is Halle Berry walking down the middle of the street? Shouldn't she know better? Drugs? Deathwish? Vanity? Stupidity? What's the reason? Seriously, there must be a reason and I want to know which dumb reason is the one.

A stink in Pink

2007-12-08T10:27:00.000-05:00

I don't know what Britney is trying to accomplish here but I assume its either a disguise or a fashion statement.

Well Britney if this is your idea of a disguise it clearly wasn't working seeing as there are pictures of you. Did you really think you were going to walk out of your house and all the paparazzi was going to be like "ohhhh, here she comes, here she comes....get ready....oh wait...its just some man with pink hair, nevermind, have to wait longer"? Yes I said Man cause that is what you are looking like these days. Just look at you. If you are trying to make a fashion statement couldn't you afford a wig that doesn't look like you tore the top of a $5 target mop off and threw it on your head?

You really are looking so manly. I'm thinking you took this real estate dude you are with and forced him into relations with you. "C'mon Robert....come into my bedroom and stick it in me....we are going to have each other cause I'm needing it now". He actually looks scared that he is going to have to do this man in pink. I can hear the conversation "really, you can let me out here and I'll walk home"....she's thinking "nonsense, you are coming to my place and I'm going to do you...end of story Robert".

Life Gone Bad

2007-11-27T22:18:00.001-05:00

You know your life has taken a turn for the worse when you are "imprisoned" by Boy George. What this means is Boy George locked you in his house and make you his sex slave. This is no man's dream......gay or otherwise.

Looks like the freaking Joker from Batman. Who knew Boy George was a splitting image of Jack Nicholson.

What do you think that is?

2007-11-27T21:52:00.000-05:00

Hey Brooke Hogan, that isn't Howard Stern's studio and that isn't a sybian you are riding. Why don't you save your "getting off" for the privacy of your home OR Howard's actual studio?

I think she is looking in the bag for a better attachment.

Best Ways to Break Up

2007-11-27T07:54:00.000-05:00

I recently heard of someone famous (can't remember who) texting some random girl that they were sort of dating that they were done. I figured pretty cold but then they weren't really dating.

Mrs. Hulk Hogan's way to break up with the Hulk? Let a reporter tell him that she filed for divorce. NICE. Mrs. Hogan went off to California for 3 weeks. Hulk apparently assumed she was just going for a vacation but NOPE......while there she filed for divorce, much to the surprise of Hulk.

See Hulk, give 'em a little fame and look what happens. Good news is that you can finally start banging all those little hottie Hulk fans....assuming your penis works after the years of steriods.

Hmmmmm did this sleuth detective uncover the reason for your divorce?

Real World Australia

2007-11-23T09:14:00.000-05:00

Real World really is sort of priceless. I love watching Trisha....she makes the show worthwhile....the rest are a bunch of morons.

Dunbar should just nail that other girl. Get over this "love of your life Julie". Highlight of this week for Dunbar was him calling Julie....her calling him Dummy Bear and then him berating her. "Don't call me that...I'm not dumb and I'm not a bear.....I mean it....don't call me that....can you PLEASE just respect my wishes.....CAN YOU....MY WISHES.........FUCK Julie....its not that hard....just let this go.......if you don't let this go I have to hang up".....CLICK....Julie hangs up. Funny part of this is that Julie never actually said anything and had given it up pretty much after Dummy Bear asked her not to call him that the first time. In summary, Dummy Bear loves Julie because he seems to be able to smack her around.

Cuhotta once again contributed nothing to the show other than a sidebar 'Well, I don't know alot but I know dunbar loves Julie so I hope he doesn't do anything he regrets'. Thank you for your ongoing participation on the show.

New girl tried to seduce Dummy Bear. Kelly Anne did nothing.

Brings us to Parisa and Trisha. The reason I love Trisha is because she is such an arrogant, self centered, bitch and really has no clue. She thinks she is truly a wonderful, nice person. Its pure comedy every time she opens her mouth. She will say something that should be something "nice" but does it in such a way that she is quite the little bitch. This aggravates the hell out of Parisa who's only redeeming quality is that she is so annoying that it causes conflict with Trisha.

The big problem is that Trisha went too far this week and pushed Parisa so she could get removed from the house. Without her I have no idea how the rest of these morons can attempt to be interesting. If the producers are smart they'll let her stay.

Watching Dummy Bear dance with new girl and then saying 'I really would do you but I love Julie' just isn't that interesting for 30 minutes. Mixing in Cuhotta "I think KellyAnne is a swell girl and I don't know much but I know how a swell girl deserves to be treated" for an a small dose isn't going to help much.

Oh well...I'll be watching.

Sidenote: there was a commercial for "A shot of love with Tequila". How did I not get involved in this show. It seems priceless.

Interesting Meeting

2007-11-23T09:07:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday before the short week ended I was in a meeting. Along with me in the meeting was an ugly guy with long sideburns. As I'm sitting there I hear this aweful noise as if something is scraping or scratching. I look over in disbelief as this dude is massaging or rubbing his sideburns. He's doing it incessantly, not like he had a little itch....more like he was getting joy in running his fingers through those things.

So I look over and sort of catch him but he didn't see me notice and I looked away cause I didn't know what to do. As I looked away the noise continued and I thought "fuck this....I'm going to get him to stop....this is crazy and disgusting". So I look over at him, wait for him to see me and just give him a disapproving look of 'is that really necessary'. He looked at my like a small kid who was just caught in the act, looked away and put his hands down and I nodded my head in approval.

About 20 minutes later, the noise again.....again the look and again he stopped. This time he gave me a look of "I know...I didn't even realize I was doing it until you looked over and caught me".

Funny thing is that I don't even know this dude.

Hollywood Walk of Fame

2007-11-22T11:44:00.000-05:00

Don't get me wrong, I love the Wizard of Oz. Who couldn't? But when the Lollypop Gang is part of a group that gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame doesn't that somewhat cheapen the respectability of the "honor"?

I remember Howard Stern once saying that he was offered a star and said "when the list of honorees includes people like Judge Judy and Erik Estrada, just keep me off that list". Amen Howard, AMEN. Now the freaking Munchkins.

I captured a quote from one such Munchkin:

"I'm not a Munchkin, I'm an entertainer," Carroll noted. "But the movie is great because we all grew up with it. ... It never dies."

With all due respect Mr. Carroll, perhaps you shouldn't be using the term "grew up" as a munchkin. Maybe terms like 'aged' or 'enjoyed throughout the years', there really isn't any growth for you all.

This was the big secret?

2007-11-22T11:38:00.000-05:00

Cmon Neil. Sweet Caroline was Caroline Kennedy? That was the big secret? People waited decades for that? All along I assumed it was some underage Thai prostitute you used to jet across the world to see or possibly an illegitimate daughter born from some hooker you used to maintain relations with .

Actually I never once thought or cared about who the hell the chick was and now that I know I am simply bothered that it's a news item that I have to be bothered by. And now I have visions of morons in a dueling piano bar singing "Sweeeeeet Caroline...whoa ho ho". Great. Day ruined.

Football....football will be on soon. Focus. Focus.

God Warrior

2007-11-22T11:31:00.000-05:00

Apparently the infamous God Warrior Margaret from Trading Spouses has a twin sister and she works at my company. I saw her identical twin on the elevator yesterday. She wasn't spewing biblical sayings or anything but I know it had to be her.

Fruit of the Loom

2007-11-19T22:29:00.000-05:00

As I'm blogging there is a commercial on TV by Fruit of the Loom for "Fit for Me" underwear for women.

The underwear is for Big women. Thank you fruit of the loom, thank you for making me feel sexy. Ummmmm......ladies....can you please just wear the fruit of the loom without showing all of us just trying to watch poker on tv? That was the most disturbing commercial I have ever seen. Ladies lounging around in bra and panties.......heavy women just in bra and panties being 'sexy'.

May I suggest a long flannel nightgown? Perhaps some PJ set from Talbots? Nobody wants to see that.

Why do I feel like I need a shower?

Beyonce Knowles

2007-11-19T22:24:00.000-05:00

Is Beyonce bleaching? I saw this picture with a caption that referenced Beyonce performing with Sugarland (whoever the hell that is). I couldn't for the life of me figure out why Beyonce wasn't in the picture....just 3 white chicks. Then I realized the one white girl almost showing cleavage IS Beyonce.

Could be the lighting.

Ewwwww.....

2007-11-19T22:16:00.001-05:00

Poor Christina Aquilera....you were hot and now look. Couldn't you adopt? Why didn't you learn something from Angelina Jolie?

Note to you: too much makeup doesn't cover up that "this is miserable" look.

Could we be looking at the next coming of Britney? Will she go crazy like her Disney brethren? Stay tuned folks.

More Soup Sir?

2007-11-19T22:10:00.000-05:00

Is Ashton Kutcher TRYING to look like Oliver? He's looks like a goddamn orphan from Oliver the musical. Either that or a 1920 caddie. Maybe a 1920's gangster runner boy. Nice look Ashton.

Not Exactly an A Lister

2007-11-17T10:19:00.000-05:00

Katharine McPhee is engaged to prominent actor Nick Cokas....19 years her elder. I have no problem with the age difference but cmon Katharine....Nick Cokas???? Ohhh....wait did I say prominent in regards to Nick before??? I meant unknown and never heard of.

Note to Katharine: If you want to vault your going nowhere career you have to marry a music producer at least 25-30 years your elder. See Mariah Carey's path to great riches. You don't have to stay married to him or even like him.

Sexiest Man Alive

2007-11-17T10:05:00.000-05:00

People named Matt Damon the sexiest man alive. Whatever....I actually like Matty Boy...as much as I can care for any hollywood dope anyway.

The amazing thing what that the shirtless boy wonder Matty Mc was left off the list as was George Clooney. I figured George had a permanent spot in the top 15 for life. This is an injustice and I'm not sure George will take well to this. I know he and Brad Pitt have been campaigning for Matt Damon but not at the expense of his own spot for god's sake.

My Feng Shui has been off all week because of this and its just now that I'm even able to comment. I might need an early vodka to pull through.

Thought for the Day

2007-11-17T10:03:00.000-05:00

I think Owen Wilson should be able to find a girlfriend with larger breasts. He's Owen Freakin Wilson for god's sake.....get some tits man.

This ain't so bad

2007-11-16T16:16:00.000-05:00

Zac Efron's thinking: It's a damn thing I'm high. I can do this charity shit stoned. Why does that kid have fire coming out of his fingers. Calm down, its just the acid....its just part of the trip.

Silly Me

2007-11-16T16:14:00.001-05:00

So I figured out who you are Guy, Madonna's arm piece. Is she really more masculine and tougher looking than him or is it my imagination....maybe the picture?

Just Do It

2007-11-16T16:12:00.000-05:00

Ellen,

Just get the penis attached. You know you want it so why keep the world waiting?

Me

Holy Crazy Looking

2007-11-16T16:05:00.000-05:00

I had no idea Seal looked like a crazy alien from Planet Zabar. I think this is the "being" that Riley Martin talks about on Howard Stern. Apparently Heidi Klum has been taken hostage by this alien. What other possible reason could there be for this relationship.

Interesting Look

2007-11-16T16:00:00.000-05:00

Is Liv Tylers TRYING to look like a drag queen? Can this possibly be here thing?

Was there any doubt that Steven Tyler's daughter would be horrid looking? She was OK in her youth but time was not going to be good to her.

The Prison Look

2007-11-16T15:55:00.000-05:00

Not a good look for Lindsay Lohan. She is apparently trying to dress down before spending 84 minutes in jail so she doesn't become someone's bitch. If this is what she really looks like though we might need to rethink just how hot she is.

That'll Show Him

2007-11-11T10:17:00.000-05:00

Prince Harry was dumped by his long time girlfriend. Apparently she was tired of his playboy lifestyle and lack of commitment to her. Well there you go honey, that'll show the playboy.....dump him....ie. give the playboy his freedom. Perhaps this is just what he wanted. Perhaps you were just a show for the public so people thought he was responsible and stable.

Fine job lady....you just gave up a Prince and maybe a chunk of money, stardom, etc. Apparently you didn't learn anything from Lady Di. Her and what's his name didn't care about each other but she made out pretty well in that little arrangement. If you could have just hung in there for appearance sake and then make him marry you for appearance sake you could have done VERY well for yourself.

Blew that one sweety. I'm sure there are fine men back in Zimbabwe where you are from. Buffoon.

By the way....if your nose was just slightly more upright you'd have a real pig face....consider that next time you dump a Prince.....Buffoon

Crossing Picket Lines

2007-11-11T10:11:00.001-05:00

The writers guild is on strike or will be soon. This means many shows will suffer and in fact not be able to create new episodes UNLESS people like me cross the line. I'm thinking I'll cross the line for Law & Order or any of those other detective shows.

Whats so hard about this: body found, 4 people are somehow related to body, pick a killer, pick a weapon, pick a motif (usually love, lust, drugs, job, etc) pretend it was really someone else, discover it was the other person, tell them you are on to them, have them deny it, prove them wrong, arrest them.

Hell I can write that. Fill in with some miscellaneous language and conversation. Some subplots about police detectives lives battling personal demons (dead spouse, alcohol, mistaken killing, dead partner) and you got an episode.

I'm going to ponder my first episode and get back to you for critique. It's gonna be a doozy though. My coming out party. If this goes well I'll start writing for Desperate Housewives (of course they'll all turn lesbo so I have a headstart in my mind for this one).

Spooky

2007-11-11T09:13:00.000-05:00

I see that Elisabeth Hasselbeck from the View had her baby. First thought in my mind is "great...how annoying....she's going to be talking about that kid every day and relating her experiences as a mother to the issue at hand on The View".

So then you start thinking....hmmmm who does this sound like...annoying, mother, on a talk show? Can you say Kathie Lee Gifford? She is Kathie Lee in the making. She whines like her, she has a kid and will be annoying with that AND look at the picture.....she even looks like Kathie Lee 20 years ago. Look at how the hair seems to be getting more strawberry (of course this might be an old picture but as if I care about technicalities).

This is truly spooky. Pretty soon its family Christmas Specials and singing on cruise boats. Mark my words......in 4 years it will be the Hasselbeck Xmas in Vermont special. When it happens I'll be here to tell you I told you so.

Babysitter of the day

2007-11-10T17:55:00.000-05:00

Wonder why Guy Ritchie (director of nothing) is babysitting Gary Coleman's kid. I mean this has to be Gary's kid......it's him at the age of 10.

Cmon....say it kid...say it...."what you talkin about guy". Just like the old man used to do it.

Octopus Love

2007-11-10T08:43:00.000-05:00

There is a story of a girl in India who was born with 4 arms and 4 legs. Now we all know the jokes when some red head comes out and neither parent has red hair "hey Mick, what color hair does the mailman have". The Father probably really does wonder to some degree whether its his kid and who the woman might have been sleeping with.

If your kid comes out with 4 arms and 4 legs you gotta be wondering how the hell and why the hell was your spouse sleeping with an octopus. Did she jump in a tank and the zoo for this fetish sex? I'm perplexed as to how one gets screwed by an octopus.

No Worries for Me

2007-11-09T07:09:00.001-05:00

Yes I like to drink....yes I drink too much....I used to think maybe I'm an alcoholic but nah, I'm either bored or just having fun so I use booze to complement either of those situations.

Sure I worry about my liver. I figured I'd die young of liver problems but oh well....I was having too much fun to care. NOW I don't have to care......I found this story and my problems shall be gone.

Certainly if this can solve liver cancer problems then cirrhosis is just the same. I'm assuming I can drink all I want now and POOF.....magic carbon nanotubes will solve my woes.

Wonderful. Thank you science.

Talking to Myself

2007-11-08T06:54:00.000-05:00

That's right....I now talk to myself at work. Mostly because outside of one peer of mine I can't find anyone to talk to and the place is so damn crazy that I have to talk to someone so who better than me.

Well yesterday I stuck my foot in my mouth while talking to self. I was in the bathroom and for the second time in the day I saw this guy that sure did seem retarded. So I was washing my hands and adoring my eyes in the mirror (which looked particularly nice with the shirt I had on) and I said OUT LOUD in a normal speaking voice as if I was directing my comment to someone else "yes, I think you are correct, that dude IS retarded". At that very moment someone who was taking a dump in the stall (who I obviously forgot about) walked around the corner and gave me a look of "you really shouldn't say that kind of thing and why are you talking to yourself?"

He clearly thought I was the crazy one.

Listen folks, I don't make this shit up. I just report on it as it occurs because who else can I tell that to?

Cheer Up

2007-11-07T22:14:00.000-05:00

Hey Eva Longoria.....try to act a little more excited about helping out a bit. It's clear what's going through your mind "goddamn delivering Domino's pizza...how the hell did I get into this....fucking smelling like pepperoni all day....I'm goddamn Eva Longoria for god's sake....someone is getting fired for this."

Don't get me wrong, I'd be thinking the same thing but then I wouldn't be in that position.

Moron.

Uh Oh.....

2007-11-07T22:06:00.000-05:00

Hey Lindsay Lohan, I know that vitamin water and it should be darker than that. Are you watering down your vitamin water with the clear nectar called Vodka? I know that trick Lindsay and I think that water should be darker.

I'll be looking for reports soon.

Friends Do Hawaii

2007-11-06T22:11:00.001-05:00

Courtney firm up.

Jennifer, learn how NOT to make that annoying face. You look dumber than usual with that look. This is your look from the show and you were pretty dumb then too.

I really shouldn't go to work drunk

2007-11-06T22:00:00.001-05:00

But it happens from time to time based on my prior evening plans. I was out last night drinking a fair amount.......ok...more than fair amount.

Woke up, still drunk and not really sure what I'm doing but I got through my 9AM meeting and had nothing else to do so all was well.

Anyway, go get some soup for lunch (southwestern corn chowder....pretty tasty)....so I'm heading back up to my office in the elevator with my soup. Some lady is on the elevator with a bag of fish sandwiches from a local fish institution. The place is a good 20 minutes away so it was a bit of a surprise.

I didn't notice until she was getting out. Door closes and there is a guy in there with me so I say "you see that? she had fish sandwiches from xxxxxx"....he was disinterested and just grunted...this pissed me off so I had to become annoying AND belligerent elevator guy so I say "yeah.....fish sandwiches from xxxx.....thats a hell of a haul"......dramatic pause to let him think I'm done but I'm going to continue......"I mean if I had known I'd have placed an order".....dramatic pause...another grunt and a look of 'please shut up about the fish sandwiches'......"You know, if you're going to xxxxx for fish, you need to announce that shit....others could be interested"......like on cue elevator opens, I storm off as if I'm really pissed that some woman that I don't even know didn't ask me if I wanted a sandwich while the guy is looking at me like I'm a real asshole.

I just went into my office and giggled.

Cmon Tom...Loosen Up

2007-11-06T21:58:00.000-05:00

Does Tom Cruise ever NOT wear a sportscoat anymore? Does he think he is really a CIA spy as in his Mission Impossible role? What's he trying to prove.

Loosen up moron. I really can't take this guy.

Good Job Jessie

2007-11-06T21:51:00.000-05:00

Apparently Jessica Simpson reads my blog. Right after I posted the danger of her becoming irrelevant and presented some potential ways to regain relevance, Jessie took my advice and has started hanging out with an A lister. She's been spotted with Owen Wilson alot recently.

Fine move Jessie....welcome back to relevance. I was hoping you'd pick drug habit but whatever....really not my choice.

Speaking of Jessie, there was an online poll asking who the ideal man for this idiot is: Nick, Owen, Jonny Knoxville or Mayer. 12,000 People voted and Nick Lachey won 65% of the votes. Cmon people......get over that......those two are dopes and painful together.

Real World Australia

2007-11-04T09:43:00.001-05:00

I haven't had alot to say about Real World this season because there is nothing to say. This is the worst season ever.....hands down.

Every episode is the same: Someone flirts with a guy, Parisa then tries to butt in and steal the guys attention. Cohutta is a redneck from Georgia and somehow seems to be winning the affection of Kelly Anne but there isn't a world or galaxy where this is actually feasible. Dunbar is a loser and Isaac is a self proclaimed bad boy who does nothing bad. Then there are the twins......one twin has a pair of twins and the other doesn't....only way to tell them apart. They dont do anything interesting and now the twin WITH twins has gone home due to an ultimatum by her fiance. The only reason I keep watching is in hopes that the twin's twins will pop out.

Thats it...thats the entire show. Interesting huh?

Equally As Wrong.........

2007-11-04T09:18:00.001-05:00

Tyra.....WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? Are you kidding me? You are Tyra Banks NOT a trashy trailer park girl. How did it make sense to you to put this one. We KNOW Britney is crazy so we expect her to dress like a moron but YOU should know better.

Is it possible she forgot a skirt or something over those leggings? Picture the scene when she gets home: she walks into her bedroom and sees the skirt laying on her bed, she's throws her hands to her head and thinks "wait...if that skirt is laying there, then what do I have on?"....as she looks down to realize the ghastly mistake she made. Then starts thinking "where was I, who saw me, were any pictures taken?" I can picture the whole scene in my head and YES Tyra...pictures were taken.

I love the people at the table in the back looking at her. Even they appear horrified.

So Wrong

2007-11-04T09:13:00.001-05:00

This is wrong on so many levels. Britney Spears is out calling the world cruel...she wonders why the media and paparazzi attack her.

Isn't it painfully obvious Britney? Are you this clueless? That is NOT attractive midsection. MAYBE if that part was covered up it could have been a cute little costume but WHY did you do this to yourself? Take a lesson from Jennifer Garner and just be boring if you want the paparazzi to go away. You only see pictures of Jennifer holding her kids up to the water fountain and dumb shit like that and she isn't all that harassed.

Oh No.....Prince Harry

2007-10-31T19:37:00.001-04:00

So I see a link on AOL about Prince Harry's legal problems. Of course I click on that...I'm thinking he had someone killed, he was busted with drugs, rape charges.....something juicy.

The idiot was caught shooting some birds.....rare birds....but BIRDS none-the-less. Holy shit. This is a problem?

Unbelievable. Hang Prince Harry. I say hang him

See Jessie

2007-10-31T19:32:00.001-04:00

Somehow relevant....People was good today. Treating the Buffoonery well.

Hey Owen

2007-10-31T19:29:00.000-04:00

Razor Blade, Overdose.....scare ya?

Sorry...was that tasteless?

Note to Jessie

2007-10-31T19:25:00.000-04:00

Jessica Simpson....quick, do something...anything....I'd recommend something REALLY foolish and stupid...something outrageous. You are DANGEROUSLY close to becoming irrelevant so time is running out.

Few possibilities: drug habit, pregnancy, hook an A lister, prison time, turn lesbo, steal Nick back.....SOMETHING...maybe try starting with LESS clothing.

Oh the Horror

2007-10-31T19:17:00.000-04:00

NOOOOO no reference to morons dressing up like idiots pretending to be random items or creatures. I'm referring to Lance Armstrong getting chummy with Ashley Olsen.

At first (and still) I was outraged. How can that old man be hanging with that young girl. Then I saw that he was only 36 and she was 22 so big deal on the age.

The real issue is why does it seem that Lance should be 55 and Ashley should only be 12? It seems WAY more disgusting when you consider your perception of their age vs reality. Like I'm only 18 in my mind so its ok if I look at high school girls.

Who's Who

2007-10-29T23:22:00.000-04:00

Here is a picture of Denise Richards and Carmen Electra. Perhaps it should be clear and obvious but these two look ALOT alike. I honestly can't tell you which is on the right and which is on the left. NO CLUE.

Is it just me? Does everyone else know? The one on the right looks older than I thought either of these chick actually were.

Moron Alert

2007-10-29T23:16:00.000-04:00

Halle Berry is one of those hot but completely asexual people....ala Jennifer Aniston. You see her and think beautiful but just no desire to do her because there isn't anything sexual about her. We know Halle must be a prude because she's Halle Fucking Berry and she still can't keep a man. There has to be a reason and I think it's obvious.....she's horrible or uninterested in bed.

Halle, if you couldn't keep a man happy when you had a great body and no responsibilities of a kid, good freaking luck doing it with a kid and a the hips exploding.

By the way....do you know where your man is?

All Hail the Chief

2007-10-29T23:12:00.000-04:00

Well good morning President Clooney. Have a nice jog President Clooney.

I don't know why but when I saw Mr. Clooney jogging all I could think is that he looked like a president out for a jog.

She is Right Up There

2007-10-29T23:04:00.000-04:00

I saw this picture and thought: God Renee Zellweger has become annoying. Remember when she was just the adorable girl from Jerry McQuire? "You had me at hello". Ok, OK...sappy I know but I'm a sports fan, it was a sports movie and she was sort of cute.

Then I started thinking......Renee is pretty much tied with Tom Cruise in the annoying factor. She's right up there. Don't you just want to punch her?

By the way.....Jerry......You should have stayed out on top. You are looking puffy my friend. Is that gas causing you to look like that Jerry or are you as annoyed by Renee as we are?

Can't be, can it?

2007-10-29T22:53:00.000-04:00

The caption of this pic was something Lindsay Lohan meeting a friend out for a bit of pizza.

Lindsay, is that pig behind you the kind of company you keep? Could that be your friend? I would have assumed that Lindsay only hung out with beautiful people but then I thought "it did mention she was eating pizza....that girl looks like she enjoys a slice or 10".

Funny.....Vince Vaughn is on Monday Night Football in the booth. He actually looks like this girl in the background. Maybe Lindsay was having lunch with Vince????

Get this.....

2007-10-26T00:02:00.000-04:00

Ok...I just saw the funniest thing ever and I'm going to try and capture the scene. In order for you to laugh at this you are going to have to visualize. Picture the following:

I'm walking down the hall to the restroom. Out of a row of cubes halfway down the hall comes this man and woman. They have their coats on, its about 10:30AM....they are obviously going outside for a cigarette. They are walking really slow and I'm behind them. We get to the end of the hall and have to make a left. Just as we make a left a woman...probably in her late 30s, early 40s, must be a director or higher because she came out of an office....so, this woman comes up, walking in a hurry but doesn't get in front of the slow poke older couple going for a stroll and a smoke (in NO hurry). The woman is walking side by side with me being held up by the slow pokes. I say to her "in a hurry huh" because I can see she looks frustrated by the slow couple.

ok.....got the visual because here is where it gets funny:

The woman....probably a director or above in her late 30s, early 40s is practically right over the shoulder of the slow couple and she starts doing this mock jogging in place with her head bobbing from one side to the next in complete mockery of the old couple. I giggled the entire way into the bathroom, through my pee-pee and all the way back to my office. Seeing a grown woman doing a mock jog with head bobbing back and forth right over these people shoulders.

Now thats funny.....if you could visualize.

Slipper Guy

2007-10-26T00:01:00.001-04:00

I've been trying to figure out 'who' I can be at work. I want to be known for something. Something that everyone talks about......'have you seen that x guy yet.....what's with him...what a quack'. I first thought of being the annoying elevator guy.

This is the guy that talks loud in the elevator and gets into everyone's business.......'hey whats that....get a little lunch? what did you get? oh yeah, I haven't tried that is it any good.....ever have the chili....its ok but not spicy enough....you like chilli.....ok see you later..have a great day'.......'what do you got there? a book? what are you reading? oh, I dont know that book, who's the author? interesting, I don't know that author....you know John Grisham....I love his stuff...I don't get to read a whole lot cause I'm really busy but I like Grisham when I do have a chance....I read that book The Firm a couple weeks ago.....wow...the suspense in that story...you read it?"

I decided I couldn't pull off elevator guy because that requires me to be a people person and I don't want to get involved.

So today I'm in my office (yes, real office, 4 walls and a door.....I don't use office as a term for a cube.....sorry cube dwelling suckers)....anyway....in my office...no meetings today....alot of work......I'm feeling confined by my shoes....claustrophobic even......kick off the shoes but then you have the whole 'shoes off' thing going on so my solution??? I'm going to be slipper guy. I'm going to bring slippers into the office. I'm going to kick it in slippers in the confines of my office.

I might even go further and bring in different size slippers for guests and request that each guest takes off their shoes and puts on a pair of slippers. I'll get some of that bowling alley spray stuff and clean each pair before I give them out.

Slippers come Monday (all day meeting on Friday, no point.

Why does my mind work this way......

2007-10-25T23:59:00.000-04:00

I'm at the little convenience store in the building getting a drink.....diet green tea, lipton citrus....delish. Woman in front of me is dicking around and makes some random comment about her forehead...here is the first thought that entered into my head:

Just move along lady or I'm going to take the bottom of my shoe to that goddamn forehead.

Elevator Girl

2007-10-25T23:58:00.000-04:00

Ummmmmm hey elevator girl....I DO NOT care why you decided to wear that Football Jersey today and I REALLY DO NOT care what jersey you intend to wear tomorrow. I also DO NOT care who the jersey's belong to, what you had to do to borrow them or what time last night you had to wash it to be ready for the day. I'm happy that the highlight of your week is that you are allowed to wear those Jersey's for two days. Ok....thats a stretch, I actually don't care about that either.

This took place two weeks ago in one of the other buildings I have to go to. It was clear at the time the girl took a shine to me on the spot and now every time I go to that building there is elevator girl....smiling at me, hoping I'm going to engage her in conversation. The 15 minutes of discussion on the jerseys was enough interaction for me pretty much for the rest of my life so STOP.

Hello..........

2007-10-25T23:57:00.000-04:00

Ok...its been awhile. I know that at least one reader is miffed but I have been truly busy.

First off......ok....30 days of sobriety became 6 days...I made it 6 and then slowed down a bit here and there but its been my birthday week so I'm back to hitting it a little harder than I should but I'll let up after Saturday to regain focus on becoming extremely wealthy.....I have too much riding on this not to focus.....ok maybe Sunday.

Best thing I've done at work is get an ipod docking station for my office. Music keeps me sane.

I road public transportation today for a brief period and that was enough. I have all these people at work, friends, etc who are constantly advising me the best way to get to work....park here and take the 38C bus, it drops you off right at the corner....park here and take the subway, its cheaper than parking and takes less time than sitting in traffic.....and on and on. Public Transportation is nasty. Nasty filthy. I was holding on to a pole and I could feel the filth seeping into my body. I could not wait to get to the office to wash my hands. Only reason I did this today was because I'm going out and have a ride home so didn't want to have my car because there will be beverages involved.....ALOT of beverages.

My biggest knock on public transportation comes back down to the fact that I don't want to sit amongst all the other drones schlepping to work. Seeing them all depressed with their miserable lives. Like a heard of cattle just sitting emotionless as they are carted to their barn.

Give me the solitude of my vehicle with my Sirius Satellite radio, plenty of traffic to delay my impending arrival and the freedom to touch myself (should I desire) any day.

Sorry but its how I feel

2007-10-22T21:17:00.000-04:00

What I would do to have Sarah Jessica Parker die before Sex In the City movie is made. I know this won't be appreciated by some/many of you but I don't really care........I don't want to have to deal with these dumb, old, washed up "actresses" taking over publicity trips, the mags, People, etc.
I thought I was so done with these morons.

Future Teen Star Mess

2007-10-22T21:12:00.000-04:00

I called this awhile ago and now here is proof. Tell me Zac Efron doesn't look stoned on heroin here? He is well on his way to being a mess. Vanessa Hudgens doesn't seem too bad but she doesn't look great either.

Rehab.....here we come. Disney must be so proud.....first Minnie is turning into a slut and now these two.

Minnie...You Vixen

2007-10-22T21:07:00.000-04:00

I guess Minnie goes both ways....first John Stamos and now Christina Aguilera.

Maybe she is going to be the next star of the show on MTV with the bi-sexual looking for love. A shot of Love with Tequila.

Speaking of.....I don't know about that show. Just not sure.

What a Look

2007-10-13T11:36:00.000-04:00

Who told Mary Kate Olsen that the Ozzy Osbourne look was cool? Is it possible that she is previewing her Halloween costume? She looks waaaaaay too much like Ozzy here to be a coincidence.

On the red carpet

2007-10-10T19:36:00.001-04:00

My friend Fashion Kitty hanging out with Sarah Ferguson. She's a mover and shaker folks.

Don't do it John Stamos

2007-10-10T19:16:00.000-04:00

Ok, Ok....We know you are a ladies man John but don't nail Minnie Mouse. Leave poor Minne with some dignity. We know how you work....first you have her checking your heartbeat with that stethescope....then you have her giving you the 'cough test' and then she's in your bedroom big floppy ears pinned back screaming out your name.

Let her be.....go after Daisy Duck, she's an easy little whore...everyone knows that.

Rumor Central

2007-10-10T19:12:00.000-04:00

God I so hope the rumors of Jennifer Lopez being pregnant are real and she explodes. I'm hoping for the next coming of Aretha Franklin. Why do I wish such horror on people? Because the current J-Lo is getting boring.....it could be fun to see what happens to her if she explodes....how will the icon handle it?

And who the hell is going to carry your fat exploded ass around sets then Jennie?

This should tell you something

2007-10-10T19:06:00.000-04:00

Hey Amy Winehouse.....when Mary Kate and Ashley look scared as shit and seem to be wondering "whats with the freak" you know you have REAL issues.

This is a sign you need help.

Warning: Politically Incorrect Posting

2007-10-09T06:49:00.000-04:00

So I'm at work yesterday in my elevator and this dude in a wheelchair gets in. I don't think much of it at first.....my workplace is all into helping handicap and its a fine thing to do so there you go.....a dude in a wheelchair.

Then I get in and this guy wasn't just in a wheelchair.....he was a freaking mess.....COMPLETE mess. His arms were mangled behind him (not sure how the fuck he was moving himself but he was pretty good), he couldn't speak at all and his face was all fucked up......a poster boy for really bad MS. You couldn't help but feeling bad for the guy but cmon.....should he be working??? NOOOO.

So....his manager is in the elevator with him and she's trying to talk to him but the dude couldn't get an understandable word out. So she kept trying to finish his sentences and was getting noticeably agitated. At this point I'm somewhere between laughing at this poor manager bastard who has to deal with it and disturbed at the fact that this poor manager has to deal with this every day.

I know this is a tad cruel but if you were the manager you'd understand.

Pam Anderson and Kid Rock

2007-10-09T06:42:00.000-04:00

I don't even know where to begin here.......

Yesterday I'm driving to work listening to Howard and Kid Rock was on. I like Kid Rock....go ahead....mock me....I'm fine with that. Kid was talking about Pam and basically ripping into her. Saying how crazy and insecure she was. The most surprising thing about the interview was that Kid said one of the big issues he had was money. Basically Pam has no money. That surprised me. I'd figure Pam has to have money just for being Pam. I guess you don't get paid to just be hot. You have to find someone (like Kid) and dupe him into marrying you.

Then I'm sitting in my office on the internet and I see that Pam got married or announced she is getting married. I'm putting it all together and thinking....."this insecure bitch is using the power of her female anatomy to sucker some dope into marrying her right at the same time Kid is putting out his album". This dumb bitch is just trying to one up Kid and this is the only way she knows how.

Nice work Pam. You really showed him. I've just decided that when I'm rich I don't want you afterall......you seem like a real pain in the ass.

Hmmmmm

2007-10-05T22:28:00.000-04:00

So I see this pic and my first thought is "hey Vicky, nice tits" but then I quickly get over that and realize that the real point of this pic is this:

What are the odds this kid isn't getting laid by the age of 12? I'm officially setting the over / under on when he loses his virginity at 12.

Bad Mo-Fo

2007-10-05T22:25:00.000-04:00

Now this is a bad ass dude in my opinion. Joaquin Phoenix hasn't done nearly enough stuff in his lifetime. I saw this pic and checked IMDB....he really hasn't done as much as you'd expect of someone of his stature.

We need more of this dude and less of the other morons.

Hip Hop Nation

2007-10-05T22:16:00.000-04:00

Ok, Ok......so I'm not exactly the stereotype of the person listening to hip hop but all of the sudden I'm tuned in to Hip Hop nation on a daily basis. I've always had a soft spot for the guilty pleasure of the sweet beats and dancing in my car and I've refound the love.

My favorite song at the moment is Kanye West's Stronger....heard it at a Football game and with a little help (thanks Kitty) I searched all Kanye's stuff and found the song. Today I was caught up in a little Overnight Celebrity by someone named Twista. Also took a shine to Low by Flo-Rida. Jury is still out on Timbaland but I sort of liked The Way I Are (that boy needs grammar lessons).

Is Jam On It by Newcleus still cool???? Heard that and started groving but figured I should change the channel.

The Next Britney

2007-10-05T22:13:00.001-04:00

I saw Ashley Tisdale's video "He said, She Said" the other day on a plane (god JetBlue is sweet with those TV's per seat). All I could think is that we are watching the next Britney Spears train wreck in the making.

She was dressed just like Britney in the first little school girl video, sang like her, danced like her....the whole thing.

Let's remember, Britney got her start with Disney too.

Eaten by a bear

2007-10-05T22:09:00.001-04:00

Hey Artie Lang, her name might be Cupcake but don't eat her.

Artie had his chance to makeout with a pornstar on the show on Thursday. Seriously...is there anything more disgusting than this fucking grizzly bear eating this porn star?

Play it again Sam

2007-10-05T22:06:00.000-04:00

Ok....last time I gave Lindsay Lohan 69 days.....that was 60 too many. This time I'm setting the over / under at 22. She can't go past 22 days sober and clear of trouble.....Can she?

Prove me wrong Lindsay....I asked before and I'm asking again.

Wedding Bells are Ringing

2007-10-01T08:15:00.000-04:00

Thats right...Jenna Bush is engaged. Why do I care you might be thinking to yourself. Well thats easy.....I really DON'T.

So who is this man in this picture you are wondering? What does this have to do with Jenna Bush? Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Jenna's soon-to-be Father in Law......also known as the man most likely to EAT Jenna for Thanksgiving dinner.

Why do I have visions of Princess Lea sitting at Jabba the Huts feet?

The City of Brotherly Love

2007-10-01T08:08:00.000-04:00

I saw yesterday that Philadelphia is going to ask for 10,000 volunteers to hang around on corners of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the city. Sounds sort of like those Guardian Angel dudes from days gone by. There will be 3 volunteers on every corner.

These are corners currently overrun with gangsters, drug dealers, kids killing each other, drive bys and the like.

If I'm one of these dudes that currently "owns" one of the corners am I really going to go away because 3 dudes with arms bands are standing there??? Probably not....in fact I'm probably going to walk up to the 3 dudes and say "get the fuck off my corner or I'll shoot you". If the 3 dudes don't leave.....I'm really going to shoot them.

Where do I sign?

Don't be Fooled

2007-10-01T07:37:00.000-04:00

At first when I saw this picture I thought "this is what I'm talking about...go ahead and shove it in there Jessica". Then I took a closer look. There isn't ONE bite taken from this sandwhich.

Clearly this is just a photo opp. I'm sure there will be pictures soon of her trowing the sandwhich away.

Nice try Jessica Biel.

Lord of The Rings part 4?

2007-10-01T07:33:00.000-04:00

Clearly Keira Knightley doesn't realize that there is no part 4 of Lord of the Rings. She can stop trying to look the part of Gollum. In fact, she should beef up and try to look more like a hobbit.

Swank's Fitness Secret

2007-10-01T07:29:00.000-04:00

There is an article in People about Hillary Swank's fitness secret. Isn't it obvious?

When you are training for the Kentucky Derby you run ALOT? I'm not talking about training as a jockey...this horse-face is a contender.

NEEEIIIGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3rd Times a Charm

2007-10-01T07:24:00.000-04:00

Pam Anderson....you are one crazy bitch. Going out and getting married just like that. It was only a few months ago I saw you on Letterman fawning over the magician and now you are off getting married to some random dude (Rick Salomon.....who the hell is that???).

Just googled Ricky.....man of Paris Hilton sex tape fame....man of Shannon Doherty horrible marriage. Son of someone important. Thats what he's done.

Ohhhhh Pammy...maybe I can be number 4?

Sobriety is Rough

2007-09-29T11:55:00.000-04:00

After a pretty serious (yet enjoyable) binge of drinking and stuff.....serious meaning more than the normal vodka and 4-6 beers a night.....I decided to take a break because my path to great riches is heating up and I need to focus. Problem is that somehow I feel worse being sober. All of the sudden I have horrible sinus issues and I'm more tired now than when I drank all the time.

I keep wanting to give in to the bottle but put it off figuring I'll give it a few more days to see if this is just withdrawal or time of year. Could that be the case? Is it possible I am just meant to drink every day? Is it the added items that I was adding to my repertoire? Can that take a week to get over?

I can't even focus on what I need to get done for an important meeting back in the nations capital because I'm all messed up being sober.

How the hell does that work?

Work Moron of the Day

2007-09-25T21:37:00.000-04:00

I saw some lady walk by this little cube.....peak in.....look around for the person who clearly wasn't there and keep looking as if maybe he really was there.

I wanted to say...."hey dumbshit, maybe you should wave your hand over his chair and see if you hit his head....he might be wearing his invisible shield....don't let him fool you".

Then I just chuckled to myself as I walked on to get a Diet Coke.

The Bachelor

2007-09-25T21:32:00.000-04:00

OK OK.......I turned the channel and I see this horribly cheesy guy standing there and I have to see what he is doing......Oh FUCK....its The Bachelor and I just got sucked in.

All I can say at this point is he was standing there for 25 women and everyone that comes out of the limo he gives this look.....its a cross between the trying to push a fart out look and a little kid looking at you like "but can I please have the candy". So he gives this look as each one approaches and says in the EXACT same tone EVERY time....."HOW are YOU doooing?".....then he ends the brief intro to each with "Let's have some FUN".

This really is a priceless show. I realized something......the first few episodes are great cause they are all so cheesy and pathetic. Its the end when he really thinks he is in love with a couple and starts meeting family that it gets painful.

I'll be watching for a few weeks.

Dancing with the D Listers

2007-09-25T21:24:00.000-04:00

They're back......the D listers wishing for relevance. Another fun season of mockery and its promising to be a good one. I didnt catch all the dancers but I did catch a few.

Before I get to them......programming note...they got rid of the female co-host and replaced her with Drew Lachey. Bad move....he's more awkward than a gay man at a rodeo (a real rodeo with real cowboys). He fumbles over words...tries to be funny at wierd times....He doesn't work.

Dancers:
Some Cheetah girl (Sabrina Bryan) - she looks like the heavy slut in high school. The girl who had the pretty face and big body so she had to put out to be 'liked'.....so she did....and she was for a night at a time.

Marie Osmond - HOUSE....I don't care how old she is...she's a house. Jane Seymour is old too and she looks good.

Jenny Garth - doesn't look like Jenny Garth....ohhhhh thats right....she hasn't done anything in 20 years so how would I know what she should look like.

In the male department I only saw two: some male model that of course I hated so I'll leave it at that and Wayne Newton. Wayne is SOOOO stiff. This guy has been entertaining for 100 years....how can he be so stiff? Of course the judges didn't say anything because you can't insult Wayne Newton but he was B-A-D BAD.

Stay tuned

Also

Oh my....I'm becoming irrelevant

2007-09-24T21:44:00.000-04:00

Sarah Jessica Parker's thoughts: Maybe giving up my big show was a bit of a mistake.....perhaps I should call the girls and see if they are feeling as irrelevant as I. I mean people used to like me....give me seats in restaurants.....bring the chef out.....put me on invite lists. Money's running out....I'm not important.....A movie.....I'll call the girls and see if they are up for a movie.

Like those other 3 hags have anything going on....of course they are up for the movie....like you or not Sarah....they're in.

Horrible Pic of the Day

2007-09-15T16:56:00.001-04:00

I just love stumbling across BAD pics of otherwise ok people.

Here we have Jessica Biel. The way the wind is blowing simply isn't flattering. Reminds me of walking down the beach with a t-shirt with the wind blowing straight on and trying to get the t-shirt to fall so the gut isn't over emphasized by the material.

She looks like she is wearing a goddamn coat of arms. Like she is wearing a knight's vest (whatever the hell those are called).

Speaking of Jessica, I saw Justin Timberlake's HBO special the other night. That fucker doesn't even sing. He just makes odds noises the entire time. Doof.

I don't get it

2007-09-15T16:49:00.000-04:00

I can't sit here and tell you that I'm a fan of Kanye West or that I can even name one of his songs......I can't name one so I'm not a fan. That said, I know the guy is cool. He must be because I know people who think he is and I trust them...I've just never listened.

Now....THAT said.....Kanye....WHAT THE FUCK are you doing here? Why are you stooping to the Ellen DeGeneres show? This is NOT cool.

Ohhhhhh......you lost a bet....makes sense now.

What a mess

2007-09-10T22:56:00.000-04:00

Its all been said today.....not sure what I can add but to agree that Britney Spears is clearly a mess. She looked like she was completely out of it on pain killers or something.

The obvious statement of "why the hell did she dress like that?" hardly needs to be said. You've had 2 kids and you are flabby ......either get yourself in shape or cover up.......SIMPLE.

It wasn't exactly how bad she looked that really got to me because once that shock hit you it was just a fact....she looked like shit. I was most appalled and drawn in by her complete look of confusion throughout the entire thing. She looked like she was lost....completely lost on stage. This then resulted in her barely moving. This is NOT the hip gyrating, sharp moving little slut we all knew and wanted.

I really do think she was high on pain killers. Her demeanor can best be explained this way.

Is this a joke?

2007-09-10T17:29:00.001-04:00

Daughtry are you trying to be a mock idiot and just joking around in this pic or are you trying to seriously rock out and prove what a bad ass you are?

I'm seriously hoping the former....I'm assuming the latter.

Goddamn moron. What a buffoon. Just go home already (get it....pun on his ONE song).

Attempt at Relevance: Lisa Marie Presley

2007-09-10T17:14:00.000-04:00

Sometimes timing just works out for you and today was one of those days. I got home from my first day at a new job (more on that later) and turned the tv on and there is some singing going on.....channel 4.....Oprah is on...."what is this" I'm thinking.

"Wait, there's Elvis...some tribute.....who's the chick singing with him?.....OH BOY....NO SHE DIDN'T?"

If you are Elvis' daughter a singing career should be a birth rite but somehow despite her genealogy AND despite the fact that she married the king of pop (which should be another auto placement into the top 10) Lisa Marie hasn't been able to make it. The only conclusion to be drawn is that she must be THAT horrible.

But why give up.....when you can't make it on your own why not just do a duet with famous daddy....Elvis himself......Ohhhhhh cause he's dead.....but this is 2007....why should one's placement in the earth deter someone? The magic of hollywood can overcome the dead.

So there she was singing "In the Ghetto" on Oprah. I have to actually admit I quite liked it. I knew the song from Taylor Hicks' rendition during his year of fame (well 6 months and done) on American Idol.

Lisa, if this doesn't work just stop....please just stop.

Random Thought: Little Person

2007-09-07T09:50:00.000-04:00

Should I really giggle as much as I do when I see a little people? You don't see them that often and when you do its like an automatic "I'm at the circus" effect.

Best Show Ever

2007-09-04T23:15:00.000-04:00

I'm cruising my guide on the TV and I come across a show called Hell Date. I automatically ponder how this isn't must see TV but NBC it isn't. I see its on BET and I'm automatically drawn.

WOW.......NOT disappointed at all. This is now the best show on television. It takes all the dumb reality shows to another level. 5th Wheel, Blind Date, Parental Control, etc......nothing on this show. This is Blind Date meets Candid Camera.

I was amazed at how utterly horribly fantastic it was. I'm sure its all made up shit....but I loved it none the less.

Slimmer????

2007-09-04T09:44:00.001-04:00

Has Mariah Carey slimmed down or is it my imagination? Is it the dress? I have a hard time believing this prima-donna actually did any exercise. She's so lazy she gets carried around sets and shit.

Either way....I do think she is slimmer...now do something about the bags under those eyes.

George in Action

2007-09-04T09:41:00.000-04:00

This is a view of George Clooney's life. "Hi hot young model girl, I'm George Clooney....of course you knew that but I didn't want to be rude before I take you to dinner with my pal Matt Damon which will be right before I take you to my room and nail you later......objections? Thought not.....is seafood ok?"

Amy Winehouse

2007-09-04T09:39:00.001-04:00

Seriously....here she is again....am I supposed to care? This is starting to bother me. At least most the people I see in the dumb pictures I know why I am SUPPOSED to care. With Amy Winehouse, I have no idea.

This is more troublesome than the G.

Let the Feuding Begin

2007-09-04T09:25:00.000-04:00

I was wondering how long it would take for the kids sensations for High School Musical to start bickering. They are child stars with egos who all want to be bigger than the next. Can we really believe that these kids are going to be all nice and sweet and get along???? That's the disney story and they are sticking to it....the reality is they are going to battle it out for popularity.

Zac Efron is the clear leader for now....Corbin Bleu made a valiant run with Jump In and he is the only one who can really threaten Zac's supremacy. The girls can't compete with the guys at this age because the audience is 8-12 year old girls.

Think what will become of the High School Musical franchise when Zac and Vanessa Anne Hudgens break up? How will they make #3 with bickering costars? They might have to write that into the script. In fact they should just base the script on the two costars "growing apart". Maybe they won't even have to be in scenes together.

Oh the fun of it all......good luck with that Disney.

MF'ing G

2007-09-04T08:55:00.000-04:00

Life sort of rolls on day to day with very little excitement (except for Crazy Rob). I manage to keep the razor blades away from the wrist for the most part but then there are little things that occur which just grate on you and make you wonder why go through it all.....nails on a chalkboard type things....chinese water torture type stuff.

My issue you wonder? What has been the proverbial dripping water in my days?

The mother fucking 'G' fell off the keyboard on my laptop. I can't even begin to tell you how bad this sucks. I don't honestly know that I can get through this.

Ok....enough with the drama.

No you aren't Brad

2007-09-04T08:47:00.000-04:00

Brad Pitt says "they're ready for their fifth child".

OK...>I can admit I like Brad Pitt...what guy didn't want to be him and have his life? Noticed the PAST tense. I even included a gratuitous picture for the ladies BUT do you have to be a complete douche bad now?

WHY? WHY do you possibly think ANOTHER munchkin is a good idea? You're getting enough press...you don't need this. Just stop.

Do you really think the posh Hotel Cipriani in Venice (I assume its posh...what do I know of that joint) thinks you need ANOTHER kid running around their establishment? I bet they sure don't.

Train Wreck of the Week

2007-08-30T07:25:00.000-04:00

Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston are priceless. One minute they are being seen together out in public, the next they are fighting about custody of their kid. I guess Bobby is all well and good when you need a fix eh Whit.

Actually makes sense.....why would you want your crack pusher watching your kid? That Whit is sharp as a Whip. Whit the Whip.