Saturday, February 10, 2007

Day 5 - TGIF

First of all….I’m hung over. After 4 days of this nonsense I needed to drink and drink I did. For the first 4 days I thought coming in smelling like booze and not being able to function was improper. After 4 days I’m starting to think an altered state of mind is going to be the only way to deal with this.

I wore this light green shirt today. When I took off my new black coat I noticed my light green shirt was full of little black fuzzies. I have that going for me. All day long I’m gonna be checking out the fuzzies on my shirt. GREAT.

Altoids drives a truck. Not a cool one either….the kind a dumb meathead would drive. It continues to amaze me the lengths he will go to in order to avoid eye contact with me.

There’s bagels in the cube right across from me and down one. People keep marching through to claim their prize. “Bagel day, bagel day……gotta get my bagel”. I guess that explains why fat guy just got coffee downstairs.

It’s 8:45…..I’m thinking of just grabbing an altoid and seeing what Altoids does. Seeing if he has a bad reaction.

HOLY SHIT…..this project I am working on is forecasted to be about $40million dollars. Sounds like a big deal maybe but considering this company is a $5Billion dollar company its not actually a huge number. In order to get approval for the $40 million there needs to be an Appropriations Request that is 15 pages long and slices the numbers into every possible way to evaluate a project (NPV, IRR, ROI, Payback period, how much capital outlay, blah blah blah)……NOT one method, EVERY method. GODDAMN, it’s something you need to do to get out of the stone ages…..just do it. $40 Million over 3 years to a $5 billion dollar company is nothing……I don’t fill out a 15 page document to decide if I should buy a pack of gum when my breath seems rank…..I buy the FUCKING gum. Buy the FUCKING gum you morons…..HOLY SHIT…..It’s 9:30 and I’m all worked up.

It’s 9:40 and the soda machine is all sold out of diet sodas. Now I’m VERY worked up.

I have a standing meeting at 10AM with my boss. This means every day at 10AM I have to appear that I’ve done something in the past 24 hours or since the last time I talked to him. I last talked to him at 5:30 last night……..let’s just say that between 5:30 last night and 10AM this hungover, punch drunk morning there hasn’t been A LOT going on (I’m starting to think that if I do this for 3 years I AM going to have a book….the worst thing that could happen to my potential book deal is that I get an office…..I wouldn’t be able to sit amongst the characters that way).

I was walking into the bathroom and as I was opening the door someone was coming out and I basically did a chest bump with them… was Altoid. I basically ran into him and STILL didn’t get anything.

Fat guy sits in an aisle of cubes with mostly ladies who are pretty smallish/normal. EVERY time I walk by and see him sitting in his cube I chuckle at the sight of this big monster lumbering in his cube. All you see is these heads of the women in the aisle and then this big ape stuffed in this cage and just flowing out all over the place. Its great…..I’m chuckling just thinking of it.
Just walked by again and chuckled.

I just got my daily salad downstairs. First of all their salad bar is great….I got that going for me. They have big green olives, black olives, red onion, jalepenos, banana peppers and a really good vinaigrette dressing. Anyway, I’m getting my salad and this goofy asian dude (smiley) comes up to me, points at this random salad and asks me if I know the name of it. I call him smiley because he sits near me and he’s always walking by me smiling (I guess it makes up for Altoid’s attitude). So he asks me and then this other girl about the salad (one of those premade salads like cole slaw or potato salad in the salad bar). I told him I didn’t then smiley goes and tracks down the manager, asks them and they refer him to the “chef” so he asks her. She says “you want to know whats in the salad”. Smiley didn’t say anything……just get the goddamn recipe smiley….thats what you want. Of course I’m all intrigued by this so I have to get some of that salad….smiley is getting a small container of it to go after he already had eaten lunch….and you know what???? It was damn good salad.

My boss and I have a 2 hour meeting with his boss. His boss is an SVP and very busy. We are painfully unprepared for a 2 hour meeting with an extremely busy SVP. Lucky for me I am only one week in and can plead ignorance. I am not going to look bad here at all. My boss might look like a dope.

I’m in a fantasy golf league. I spend most of my day watching my player on PGA Tourcast which a webcast of the tour. You can watch every player and every one of their shots…….so I do. The guy behind me must already be wondering what the hell I’m am SUPPOSED to be doing.

Funny watching a grown man cower in the presence of another grown man. My boss just did that with his boss. Adding to the amusement I realized that my boss was wearing a sportscoat and tie today because he had a hour meeting with his boss. He claimed he had a laundry issue and only had a plain white shirt on but that was too boring. Oh yeah….too boring in this boring clad environment….doesn’t exist. So we walk into the boss’s office…..what did he have on???? Plain white shirt. Buffoon.



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