Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Wow....what an eyeful

The legs look nice but the rest of it I feel like I'm flying over the America at 20,000 feet....there some water, some land, some hills, some valleys.....I think I see a desert. Wait.....is that the world's largest ball of yarn I see????

Alot seems to be going on in that dress Heidi.

As I take another look it appears as if you can see a monster in that dress....two eyes at the breasts area and then a nose and a mouth with a tongue sticking out. I'm not even drunk or high and I see it.

Do your feet always point in that way or just bad luck of the shot?


Monday, December 17, 2007


This might sound a little bitter but all I have to say is "thanks Jessica Simpson you bitch, you cost me a super bowl appearance and a few hundred bucks". Tony was doing just fine scoring me a ton of points until you show up at a game.

Any by the way....what was that 'thing' under your nose? Big giant wart looking thing.

This brings me to another point......When I see Jessica Simpson I DO NOT see a hot blonde with a nice body.....I just see a MAJOR pain in the ass. Maybe I'm still scarred from the fact that she couldn't figure out what tuna fish was on that dumb MTV show but I just sense she would be horrible to be around and awful in bed.


Another Food Day

There was another "food day" in my area. Then I started thinking......"these people are bringing in casseroles, big pans of food, etc. Most of them take public transportation.....do they carry this shit on the bus or trolley? Are they smelling up the place?".

I can just imagine someone carrying a casserole full of little mini meatballs riding the bus. They get up and the bus stops short and there go meatballs flying all over everyone.

I hope food days continue until I see some moron come in with a shirt full of meatballs.


Sleeping on the Job

There are two buildings where I work. They are connected by a bridge on the second floor. In the atrium of the one building is the auditorium and outside the auditorium are a bunch of chairs and couches around in a 'lounge' or 'lobby' like fashion. At any point in time during the day....and especially at lunch.....there are people sitting there sleeping.

There is literally an acceptable nap area where I work. People don't just sit there and close their eyes, they curl up in the chairs.....some even lay across the couches. I once knew a girl who would go to her car for lunch time naps....I thought that was bad....these people have no shame.


Thursday, December 13, 2007

One Issue

Ok....Alicia Keys is hot...we can all agree on that. Pretty face, nice curvaceous hips........HOWEVER.....look at the flapjack breasts. What the hell are they? Perhaps you DON'T have curves in all the right places...seem to be missing a few.

Oh well....still hot.


Shouldn't she know better???

Are Hollywood stars really THIS vain?

Why is Halle Berry walking down the middle of the street? Shouldn't she know better? Drugs? Deathwish? Vanity? Stupidity? What's the reason? Seriously, there must be a reason and I want to know which dumb reason is the one.


Saturday, December 08, 2007

A stink in Pink

I don't know what Britney is trying to accomplish here but I assume its either a disguise or a fashion statement.

Well Britney if this is your idea of a disguise it clearly wasn't working seeing as there are pictures of you. Did you really think you were going to walk out of your house and all the paparazzi was going to be like "ohhhh, here she comes, here she comes....get ready....oh wait...its just some man with pink hair, nevermind, have to wait longer"? Yes I said Man cause that is what you are looking like these days. Just look at you. If you are trying to make a fashion statement couldn't you afford a wig that doesn't look like you tore the top of a $5 target mop off and threw it on your head?

You really are looking so manly. I'm thinking you took this real estate dude you are with and forced him into relations with you. "C'mon Robert....come into my bedroom and stick it in me....we are going to have each other cause I'm needing it now". He actually looks scared that he is going to have to do this man in pink. I can hear the conversation "really, you can let me out here and I'll walk home"....she's thinking "nonsense, you are coming to my place and I'm going to do you...end of story Robert".


Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Life Gone Bad

You know your life has taken a turn for the worse when you are "imprisoned" by Boy George. What this means is Boy George locked you in his house and make you his sex slave. This is no man's dream......gay or otherwise.

Looks like the freaking Joker from Batman. Who knew Boy George was a splitting image of Jack Nicholson.


What do you think that is?

Hey Brooke Hogan, that isn't Howard Stern's studio and that isn't a sybian you are riding. Why don't you save your "getting off" for the privacy of your home OR Howard's actual studio?

I think she is looking in the bag for a better attachment.


Best Ways to Break Up

I recently heard of someone famous (can't remember who) texting some random girl that they were sort of dating that they were done. I figured pretty cold but then they weren't really dating.

Mrs. Hulk Hogan's way to break up with the Hulk? Let a reporter tell him that she filed for divorce. NICE. Mrs. Hogan went off to California for 3 weeks. Hulk apparently assumed she was just going for a vacation but NOPE......while there she filed for divorce, much to the surprise of Hulk.

See Hulk, give 'em a little fame and look what happens. Good news is that you can finally start banging all those little hottie Hulk fans....assuming your penis works after the years of steriods.

Hmmmmm did this sleuth detective uncover the reason for your divorce?


Friday, November 23, 2007

Real World Australia

Real World really is sort of priceless. I love watching Trisha....she makes the show worthwhile....the rest are a bunch of morons.

Dunbar should just nail that other girl. Get over this "love of your life Julie". Highlight of this week for Dunbar was him calling Julie....her calling him Dummy Bear and then him berating her. "Don't call me that...I'm not dumb and I'm not a bear.....I mean it....don't call me that....can you PLEASE just respect my wishes.....CAN YOU....MY WISHES.........FUCK Julie....its not that hard....just let this go.......if you don't let this go I have to hang up".....CLICK....Julie hangs up. Funny part of this is that Julie never actually said anything and had given it up pretty much after Dummy Bear asked her not to call him that the first time. In summary, Dummy Bear loves Julie because he seems to be able to smack her around.

Cuhotta once again contributed nothing to the show other than a sidebar 'Well, I don't know alot but I know dunbar loves Julie so I hope he doesn't do anything he regrets'. Thank you for your ongoing participation on the show.

New girl tried to seduce Dummy Bear. Kelly Anne did nothing.

Brings us to Parisa and Trisha. The reason I love Trisha is because she is such an arrogant, self centered, bitch and really has no clue. She thinks she is truly a wonderful, nice person. Its pure comedy every time she opens her mouth. She will say something that should be something "nice" but does it in such a way that she is quite the little bitch. This aggravates the hell out of Parisa who's only redeeming quality is that she is so annoying that it causes conflict with Trisha.

The big problem is that Trisha went too far this week and pushed Parisa so she could get removed from the house. Without her I have no idea how the rest of these morons can attempt to be interesting. If the producers are smart they'll let her stay.

Watching Dummy Bear dance with new girl and then saying 'I really would do you but I love Julie' just isn't that interesting for 30 minutes. Mixing in Cuhotta "I think KellyAnne is a swell girl and I don't know much but I know how a swell girl deserves to be treated" for an a small dose isn't going to help much.

Oh well...I'll be watching.

Sidenote: there was a commercial for "A shot of love with Tequila". How did I not get involved in this show. It seems priceless.

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Interesting Meeting

On Tuesday before the short week ended I was in a meeting. Along with me in the meeting was an ugly guy with long sideburns. As I'm sitting there I hear this aweful noise as if something is scraping or scratching. I look over in disbelief as this dude is massaging or rubbing his sideburns. He's doing it incessantly, not like he had a little itch....more like he was getting joy in running his fingers through those things.

So I look over and sort of catch him but he didn't see me notice and I looked away cause I didn't know what to do. As I looked away the noise continued and I thought "fuck this....I'm going to get him to stop....this is crazy and disgusting". So I look over at him, wait for him to see me and just give him a disapproving look of 'is that really necessary'. He looked at my like a small kid who was just caught in the act, looked away and put his hands down and I nodded my head in approval.

About 20 minutes later, the noise again.....again the look and again he stopped. This time he gave me a look of "I know...I didn't even realize I was doing it until you looked over and caught me".

Funny thing is that I don't even know this dude.


Thursday, November 22, 2007

Hollywood Walk of Fame

Don't get me wrong, I love the Wizard of Oz. Who couldn't? But when the Lollypop Gang is part of a group that gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame doesn't that somewhat cheapen the respectability of the "honor"?

I remember Howard Stern once saying that he was offered a star and said "when the list of honorees includes people like Judge Judy and Erik Estrada, just keep me off that list". Amen Howard, AMEN. Now the freaking Munchkins.

I captured a quote from one such Munchkin:

"I'm not a Munchkin, I'm an entertainer," Carroll noted. "But the movie is great because we all grew up with it. ... It never dies."

With all due respect Mr. Carroll, perhaps you shouldn't be using the term "grew up" as a munchkin. Maybe terms like 'aged' or 'enjoyed throughout the years', there really isn't any growth for you all.


This was the big secret?

Cmon Neil. Sweet Caroline was Caroline Kennedy? That was the big secret? People waited decades for that? All along I assumed it was some underage Thai prostitute you used to jet across the world to see or possibly an illegitimate daughter born from some hooker you used to maintain relations with .

Actually I never once thought or cared about who the hell the chick was and now that I know I am simply bothered that it's a news item that I have to be bothered by. And now I have visions of morons in a dueling piano bar singing "Sweeeeeet Caroline...whoa ho ho". Great. Day ruined.

Football....football will be on soon. Focus. Focus.


God Warrior

Apparently the infamous God Warrior Margaret from Trading Spouses has a twin sister and she works at my company. I saw her identical twin on the elevator yesterday. She wasn't spewing biblical sayings or anything but I know it had to be her.