This is what happens

See Kate, this is what happens when you marry a freak rocker dude who is stoned out of his mind all the time. That Black Crowes freak had so much weed in his system that his sperm was certain to be mutant. Look at this kid.....I mean he doesn't have down's syndrome does he? He just looks this freaky.

I hate to be mean to the kids but the point is one shouldn't pro-create with someone who's sperm is clearly mutant.

The A, B, C, Ds of Dancing

Ok, I was a bit harsh with prior titles about Dancing with the D Listers. What we actually have is an A, B, C and D left. The segment between the Ballroom and Latin dances left little doubt:

A: Emmit is the NFL leading rusher, he's an A list stud....and he can move.
B: Mario shows up as a correspondent of ET or Extra (one of those dumb shows) so he has something going on.
C: Monique (I think thats her name) has recently been in the kiddie hit, Teen Musical and was at least asked to some charity halloween thing hosted by Maria Shriver and Jamie Lee Mantis....or Curtis.
D: Joey's big thing to do in his down time was go to a pumpkin patch. He has NOTHING going on.

Notes on tonights show:

Joey is more feminine than his manly partner. When Bruno (gay judge....finally figured out his name) called them the King and Queen of ballroom I'm pretty sure Joey was the queen. When his partner was asked if she felt sexy in the 'little' outfit she had on during the Latin dance her response 'no'.....meanwhile she's thinking 'I feel comfortable in my Construction Man costume'.

Mario: Ummmm, I think I might have been a little turned on by him tonight.....Ok, thats completely false but the dude can dance and although I wasn't turned on, am I the only one who was getting the sense that his partner just wanted to skip the second dance and take him home and nail him right then and there? He's SOOO getting lucky tonight.

Monique: Annoys me and her second outfit was HORRIBLE. Not good.

Emmitt: He can dance pretty good but the second dance the judges were all over him and I sort of thought he just stood there and twirled around Cheryl. Didn't think he did much but I did notice Cheryl basically grabbed his crotch at one point.

With all the weighting on popular vote its going to be Mario vs Emmitt.

I see a follow up to White Man Can't Jump because we certainly can't dance. The final four are a black man, black woman, latino guy and gay white guy (doesn't count....I'm talking real white men).

What is she going for here?

When the twins were 10 everyone couldn't wait until they turned 18 and were legal. Now we all wish they were 10 again. Look at this mess.....is there anyone running around talking about wanting these twins anymore? We're ALL over that right?

Did I call it or what?

Not even a week after I said Lindsay would be the next Taramess I get this picture sent to me from the Kitty herself. It appears that not only was I right but Taramess is actually taking her under her wing. Lindsay will be a complete mess in no time and perhaps Tara can get a guest spot on the sure to be upcoming Lindsadise. I originally said this show would probably come on in about 10 years when Lindsay is approaching 30 and is a complete mess but under Tara’s tutelage I’m thinking it could be closer to 5 years.

Just look at this picture, Lindsay already has the gut, now she just needs a botched boob job and another 5 years to add to the worn look so she’s really haggard looking.

Ohhhh boy, I’m excited for the possibilities.

Which is it Keanu???

There is either one of two things going on in this pic and either way I have an issue:

1) Keanu appearing homeless is strapped for cash after wasting all his hard in Lake House money trying to fund and promote that dumb band of his. Given his hardships he's actually picking up a coffee cup he found on a corner to get his caffeine fix. If this is the case I'm going to hunt him down and give him a buck and take him to Goodwill.

OR

2) This dumb bastard is actually littering by leaving a real coffee cup and saucer in this little corner here. If this is the case I'm going to hunt him down and make a citizens arrest. Did he think that by looking homeless he would fool the paparazzi and not get caught on camera?

Which is it Keanu, Fess up....I know you're reading this (ok, well it sounded good but I think I can claim 8 readers now).

I pity Mr. T

Ok, so I saw one of the first episodes of Mr. T's show. What a colossal mess this show is....good god. The premise of the show is that Mr. T comes into situations where individuals or groups need motivational help. They need a little spark to get themselves going.

So Mr. T is brought in by some trashy family that is headed by husband Frank. Frank's problem is that he has this old, crusty red recliner that he can't get his fat ass out of while the family does all the household stuff and other activities.

Mr. T to the rescue......his answer to this situation???? While the family is cooking dinner consisting of bacon and not sure what else (yes it was dinner, not breakfast), Mr. T walks Frank into the kitchen where the wife, daugther and son are cooking and getting dinner ready. Frank's new role? Sit in one of the bar stools at the kitchen island and flip some bacon. SIT and FLIP bacon....a real step up for Frank. After this miracle of movement, Mr. T arranges for Frank to head to some local arcade with the 20 year old daughter for a little skee ball and air hockey.....another miracle of movement for Frank, he was actually able to play skee ball and air hockey. This scene concludes with these three ridiculous grown ups sitting at some kid's table eating popsicles. NEXT, quality time with the wife.....Mr. T takes frank to the dance studio where the wife takes dance classes. Frank gets all dressed up, goes to the studio and SITS at some table watching his wife....."frank, come dance, frank give it a chance, oh frank come over here".....NOPE....Frank sits and watches. Frank drove in a car to a dance studio to WATCH his wife learn ballroom dancing, quite a miracle.

FINALLY, Frank brings the entire family to a baseball field to watch him burn the red chair. CMON, this was obvious from the start of the show as Mr. T was referring to it as his demon, his anchor, etc. It was clear this chair was going to get destroyed..

What a mess this show is. Stay tuned, another episode on tonight.

Jessie...what the....how could you allow this?

Jessie, two problems I have with you today:

1) How could you allow this picture to get published in People magazine. You look like a wax drag queen. The lips are horrible, the eyes look frozen and your skin looks plastic.....add in the horrible June Cleaver haircut and dress and this is a disaster. This picture is SOOO bad that I can't take my eyes off of it.....it's the perfect train wreck of a picture that I'm forced to continue staring at out of disgust and amazement.

2) In the article attached to this disaster you mention that you knew your marriage was over when you went to Africa for some mercy mission and Nicky didn't join you......is this before or after you slept with Bam, Knoxville and the cast of Jackass? That's when Nicky knew the marriage was over.

God, look at that smile....fake, joker, plastic looking smile. I really can't stop trying to figure it out.....just hit publish, just publish and you can be done...ok, really just do it....

What a Rush

On his talk show the other day Rush Limbaugh decided to make the following statement about Michael J Fox:

Limbaugh said on his syndicated radio program Tuesday, "He is moving around and shaking, and it is purely an act."

This was said in response to a political ad where MJF is supporting a candidate who supports stem cell research. Rush, we all know you are an ass.....that's been made clear but WHAT ARE YOU THINKING???? This is america's sweetheart, Alex P Keaton and EVERYONE knows he has parkinsons. Not like he just made it up last week....MJF is a mess and almost everyone in the country things its horrible....he ranks right up there with Ali as far as sympathy getters and should really be off limits. "Purely and act".....you're really something Rush....a real piece of work.

Now this is TV

Women Seeking Women: A Bicurious JourneyVH1 Oct 25 11:00pm Add to My CalendarSpecial/Other, 60 Mins.

Being with another woman is a top fantasy with women.

On tonight on VH1. We need more of this kind of television and YES I will definately be watching.

Let Me Explain.....

"Ummm I mean, cmon, dave, dude, after my 12 inches, did you really think you had a chance to keep her happy long term?.....it's ok, dude, there's plenty of women out there who haven't been ruined by me.....she was hot but you'll be fine.....cmon, lets go cross dress and get inked up".

Sir Paul

When you're a Beatle, have over a billion dollars and marry a one-legged bitch you'd think a pre-nup isn't an issue. Poor Paul lost his first love to cancer and then tried to find something special again but has been completely taken....by a one legged bitch none the less. It's almost unthinkable, the man....king Beatle.....run through the ringer but a ....ok, ok...I won't belabor the point about the one-legged bitch...but really....Paul, couldn't you get a two-legged chick??? You were the king Beatle baby.......get a girl with two legs for god's sake.

Silly Paul, I really can't imagine being worth over $1Billion and marrying a chick with one leg. Sorry to all you that might think I'm harsh but cmon....you all get it.

Leonardo

I spend most of my time mocking here obviously but I see this picture and I must say that Leonardo is the guy I want to be. He's just strolling around Paris, care free with his model girlfriend. He's a cool cat without being such a fucking lunatic about it....he's just enjoying life without being a moron like Clooney and so many others. This is a dude I can completely respect and envy.

Leonardo, hats off to you pal? If you're ever looking for a BFF look me up, nothing I'd rather do than grab a girlfriend and hang out with you two for the rest of my life (on your dime of course).

Mischa and Unbelievable

Mischa, I'm not one to think you are the hottest thing since toasted Cinnamon Bread but are you blind???? Don't you see that your boyfriend is horrid looking? He literally looks retarded. Why are you seen in public with this idiot??? WHY? You are basically dating the elephant man, nice work.

Paris and Hammy

Paris Hilton with Hammy the Squirrel at the Premiere of Over the Hedge.

Alone today???

Jake, no "Live Strong" today??? A seldom seen picture of one of the boys by themselves. Jake with no Lance or Matthew.

I for one am tired of the stupid talks of whether any two of the three are gay. Can't a couple guys just be friends? Of all guys accusing of being fags these are not the three....well maybe Jake, he was in that fag cowboy movie....but the others are guys, guys. There isn't anythign wrong with that. Tired of hearing how they might be gay because it's just stupid.

It is definatley a little silly how Jake and Matthew call Lance "LIve Strong" rather than call him by his name but thats not gay thats just stupid. Let's not confuse stupid with queer.

Steamy....Dreamy....Kill Me

I know there is a Dr. McDreamy but is there really a Dr. McSteamy??? I think I saw this in a People magazine. Was this a joke? I assume this was a joke. Surely there isnt a Steamy and Dreamy both with a Mc in their name.

If there is a steamy is he the queer that got the black dude fired?

Didn't know it was back on Broadway

WOW.....I love broadway (ok thats a lie but it goes with the point of the post), anyway, I LOVE Broadway, I can't believe Cats is making a return. I was so disappointed I didn't get to see it one last time before it left and now I must start planning my trip to NYC to see it.

And the fact that Nicole Kidman is playing one of the leads (apparently) is unbelievable. She should be AWESOME. The only question I have is WHY is she wearing the goddamn cat makeup out in public to some red carpet event? Maybe its the premiere of the return to Broadway??? But still, does she have to wear that Cat face?

Ok, so I'm kidding but doesn't she really look like a cat? I mean really, she looks like a kitty cat. Not like...."oh she has such a pretty kitten face"....I mean she looks like a cat.

As if we didnt know but this proves it

The women of Desperate Housewives are all horribly worn. They get WAAAAY too much recognition for being hot. Don't think I'm hating on old women....not at all...much to the contrary I am very much in favor of a hot MILF. I don't discriminate....old, young, race, hair color, whatever....I enjoy looking at hot women of all kinds. The fact is, these Desperate Househags aren't attractive in the least and this picture proves it. Now I should say that I think Eva is pretty nice but the rest of them are worn.

In all future references to Desperate Househags being hot there should be a disclaimer. Something like this: "Watch on sunday as the women of Hysteria Lane (whatever goddamn lane...remember I dont care....that seems too silly to be right) sizzle up the screen"**

**Disclaimer: All sizzling is a direct result of lighting and airbrushing. References to hot or sizzle are not intended to mislead the audience that these hags are really attractive with no makeup, airbrushing or normal person lighting.

Hey Stank...take note

Bono carrying an umbrella. You think you are bigger than Bono, Ms. Stank? This guy is almost singlehandedly saving the world......well him and Bradgelina.....and he carries his umbrella all my himself. He should be saving his arm strength for one of those heavy microphones but instead he's holding an umbrella.

Do you see how easy it is?....ok, ok...I'm sorry for sounding so angry but when I see someone who can't hold their own umbrella I get upset. When I'm rich and famous I assure you I'll carry my own umbrella.

Mexican Friend Update: Closer to the Dinner Invite

My mexican friend at work who never acknowledges me took a big step foward today. I went down for my coffee as I always do, he was sitting in his little spot eating his breakfast like he typically is and when I walked out he made eye contact, maintained it and gave me a smile AND nod. Not sure a courtesy smile....he actually gave me the "hey, what's up" nod.

This is a BIG step in our relationship and I figure we'll be having cerveza's at his house in no time. I can already taste the authentic burrito I'll be served by the Mrs. (I guess I should look to see if there is a Mrs.)

China

Do you think my reader in Wuhan, Hubei, China really gets me?

Road Rules /Real World Challenge: The Duel

How lucky I was tonight to catch the premiere of the next season of RR/RW Challenge. This season has a few classic winners from prior seasons of challenges that should make things interesting.

First we have Wes.....he's pure comedy all the way. 10 minutes in and I"m amazed he hasn't done or said anything stupid yet but he will....no worries.

Next, Nehemia....Wes' partner in crime from Austin.

Then Svetlana from the worst Real World season ever. She was a princess so I have no clue what she's going to do on these challenges where might need to sweat. She's gonna suffer.

Finally of note we have Beth. Beth was hated on the RW show, she's been hated by every challenge member, every season she is on but she just keeps coming back. She's like 40 now but keeps coming back to be hated. She never wins any money, she's completely soft at challenges but she insists on being there. Already her and Tina are in for some major fighting......(Tina's a very angry woman by the way). Beth thinks people are gunning for her because she's smart. NOO Beth, its because you are an annoying pain in the ass bitch.

We're just missing some standards like Mark, gay Dan, Timmy the Clown, Theo...how do they leave out lovable twang voiced Theo, Ruthie, the always controversial Coral...how does Coral not get on? and the "almost hated as much as Beth" Tonya.

Stay tuned....should be good.

Watch for Lindsadise in 10 years

There are never any pictures of Lindsay where she isn't coming or going from a club. The ONLY ones that don't involve a club involve a run for coffee because she's recovering from the night before AT a club.

The point of all this is I believe we might be seeing the next Tara Reid. I'm not pulling a Jane Fonda and telling her that she needs to stop partying and slow down....I really could care less but she's going to be worn before she hits 30. In 10 years we're going to be watching a show of her travelling the world, talking about how fabulous she is and getting drunk off her ass with her dumb high school friends. I can't wait....I really can't because Taradise was the best show ever. I just hope I don't mature before Lindsadise comes on and can't appreciate it.

Ohhhh How Cute

Do you think Jake and Lance call each other before they go out on dates? They have the exact same suit/tux thing on.

And how does that Robert get into that mix? Isn't the ex-heroin freak a bit of an odd match for the BFF boys. Robert, that gay cowboy movie was just a movie....Jake isnt really gay so stop puckering up like that as if you are about to make a move for him. "Ohh, I'm SOOO stealing this hunk of meat from biker boy.....he's into me". Back on the heroin I guess. (If I had alot of readers like Perez could I get sued for making that kind of statement?.....you 5 won't tell on me will you?)

Are you Freaking Kidding Me???

Hillarie, is what I think happening happening here? Just carry your own damn umbrella.
Doesn't that one arm thats free and just hanging there work?

Do you know how big of a bitch you look like right now? As is we didn't already know based on how you treated your ex-hubby but now this confirms it. I don't know why I let these things get to me but now I'm all riled up and pissed off.

How does this even happen??? Can you imagine the conversation here?? "Hillarie needed on set...hillarie to the set"...."ummm yeah....you're gonna need to send someone over here to carry my umbrella"...."ah....you just need to walk 30 feet and its not even raining that hard"....."well I'm hillarie freaking Stank and I don't carry umbrellas, I could, could....well I don't know what could possibly happen but that's not the point....the point is I simply don't carry umbrellas"......"hmmm.....OK....I guess Mike will be right over to help you with that"...."mike, go help that bitch in her trailer....apparently she has some odd allergic reactions to umbrellas....bitch".

Oh and nice slippers.

I'm on the conspiracy bandwagon

I'm not buying this stick had a kid anymore. I'm starting to believe its a robot and all those other stories. Look at this twig? You telling me that stick spit out a kid? NO....I'm not buying it for a second....simply isn't true. She has NO ass. NONE. God.....digressing a bit, I can't possibly imagine thats any fun to bang. That goddamn bony ass would HURT. I can just hear tom during sex....."owww, owww, owww, gees, god".....meanwhile Twiggy is thinking she's a goddess in bed but he's just in pain.

Now that I think about it, this also helps confirm the "tom is gay" theory. Now that I think about it, he can't be banging that.

Dancing with the D Listers

Oh boy those producers of the Dancing with D-listers are so tricky. WHO saw that coming? Kicking off NOBODY? WOW....thats was so unforeseen. I mean they have the show scheduled for x number of weeks, they have advertisers all lined up, they lose someone unexpectedly (because her hubby likes porn and booze) and then they decided to keep everyone this week. Gees....who would have thought.

Jerry actually looked like he was in pain. He's well over this and clearly wants to get back to his trash show where he's comfy.

I think both Emmitt and Jerry Rice (last season) have clauses in their contracts that they are NOT allowed to be mocked in any way. The judges go completely goo-goo over these two. Emmitt is pretty good but he's not the next coming of Barishnikov (no I don't care if I can't spell it so keep that comment to yourself.....or go ahead and post...I'll take any comments these days)

Congrats Ashton....you are winning

In the battle of who's OLD woman is going to break down first and fastest, Ashton is clearly beating Justin. Just take a look....Demi is still hot, Cameron is wearing down quick. She is outright scary looking these days.

On a related note, has anyone heard Justin's new song? I would have sworn it was a chick singing. What is Justing actually trying to sing like a chick.

Dancing with the D Listers

Mario just danced:
Gay judge couldn't get enough. Only one more aroused than Mario's partner was the gay judge. He was ready to jump out of his skin to attack Mario. Meanwhile you can soooo tell Mario is looking at this as his way of re-establishing his career. Good luck Mario, right from D List to B-.

Monique (high school musical girl):
First point of note are that her legs are waaaaayyy to shiny waxed. Every now and then you see this shit and I don't know how or why this happens but this chick has nice legs but were all way too shiny waxed or something. I'm not a chick so I don't know how you get them this way but I don't like it. Gay judge once again is incomprehensible in his reactions.

Joey Lawrence:
Joey's the gayiest 'star' in the competition. He's a huge loser....big cue ball head with a tiny little body....he just looks silly as a human. OK....he's dancing.....how's he NOT gay??? His partner has a sheet loosely wrapped around herself and you still don't believe there is any chance they are wrapped in that sheet together. Looking at them being judged, she is MUCH more a man than he is......Crazy...his big cueball head and her big nasty manly head. Gay judge said something about wanting to be a part of it. God he kills me.

Emmit and Drew's next wife:
I missed the dance and judge's comments because I had to see who Flavor Flav picked for his future.....New York got dissed again.

Dumb Ass Jerry:
He's an ass. A 62 year old Ass.

You better cheer up......

Here's a picture of Charlie and Denise with their 2 daughters out spending a day together. How sweet....how nice the couple is getting along and trying to be good parents during a rough time. The kids need this I guess.....wait, who's the miserable, frumpy, flip-flop wearing bitch in the background???? OHHHH, that's just Brooke Mueller...Charlie's girlfriend. Well Brooke, seems you are an aspiring actress turned real estate agent returned actress. My guess is the actressing wasn't going so well so you got into real estate.....then you managed to snag Charlie at some hollywood party and decided to refocus on being an actress. You did 1 move in 1999, 2 in 2004 and then all of a sudden another in 2006.

Advice to Brooke: you better cheer the F*&K up and pretend you LOVE these little family outings (even with Denise) because based on how your career has gone thus far I think you need Mr. Sheen. Otherwise good luck with those condo sales in West Hollywood.

I completely believe Jenny

Jenny has told Oprah....yes she is one of Oprah's gal pals, she's the younger version of Julia for Mama O.....anyway, she told Oprah that she didn't get breast implants after rumors were flying that her breasts looked a little large....more speculation on the impacts of her breakup with Brad. She claims she just gained some weight and it all went to her breasts. She says she gained 10 pounds.

What's not to believe here. Do we SEE who she's hanging out with? I mean cmon.....as stated in a previous post, Double V is a goddamn gorilla. You don't think hanging out with this gorilla is going to cause some weight to be added??? She's lucky she hasn't gained 25 pounds but she might want to consider dumping ApeMan now before she does.

Real good move Jenny, have Brad dump you and move on to an Ape who's going to fatten you up and ruin you for all other men. Brilliant. As far as your career, you'll be able to play the fat chick from now on. And don't get me wrong, I think Double V is a tremendously funny person. I could watch Wedding Crashers every night and laugh but it doesn't mean I would want to cuddle up next to the Ape....freaking snorting in your face, all that hair on his back and arms, that big fat puffy ape face.....ohhhh how sexy.

We're all laughing AT you

Courtney, what don't you get??? Your husband is a goddamn moron, idiot, king-killer buffoon. You were one of the two "hot" chicks from Friends. You could have had ALOT of guys....Jenny got Brad for god's sake...for awhile anyway....now she has that Fat Sweaty Gorilla Vince...oh that'll make Brad jealous Jenny...he's cuddling up to Angelina and those awesome lips and a vision of you spooning with Vince is like a Mama Gorilla cuddling her young to keep them warm....all hairy and sweaty with meat hanging everywhere.....Oh god the thought...BUT I digress and this is about Courtney.



Courtney, you were ok the first few seasons, you were known as a hottie...not my type but I'm very selective and don't throw around HOT to anyone who makes it on TV. So you were there, ripe for grabbing anyone you could and then all of the sudden you became anorexic, lost all the womanly shape about you and started dating this FREAK. Now look at him....showing up to a movie premiere in a White Tux with "blood splotchings" and a "bullet wound". I'd love to be in the Arquette household when he's getting dressed....."oh honey, that's fabulous.....god you look great in that". Certainly that's not the conversation...I assume its more like "oh for the love of god, do you have to dress like that...I know you THINK your fans want to see what you'll be wearing but lets be honest, David, you have no fans and NOBODY is going to see this dumb movie anyway....can't you please put on this nice suit I bought you last week....PLEASE".

Really, aren't you embarassed? You can leave him you know? All hollywood couples part ways so why should you be any different....you REALLY have a reason.

Arrg Arrg!!!!!

Are these two freaking seals waiting to be fed fish?

Newsflash to Sara......that's every guy

Sara Evans has quit Dancing with the Stars to spend more time with her children while she divorces her husband. Why is she divorcing her husband???? Because he likes porn and drinks too much. Sara, EVERY guy loves porn.....its part of being a guy, we have penises, we love porn and we like to watch sports (unless we are some kind of queer metrosexual type). I can't imagine a guy who isn't confused how this is an issue. Every guy reading the article is thinking the same thing....."seems like Sara should put out more". End of Story.

Time for a Trim

No I'm not talking about my hair. I'm talking about the following old dumb bitch.

Ellen just had her on her show talking about her long nails. She holds the world record for longest nails but is going to cut them on Nov 22nd. This dummy has to use a spaghetti grabber to wash her hair. She lathers it up and scrubs it in with the spaghetti grabber. Everything she does requires using something as a tool. For instance, she needs a spoon to open soda cans.

This lady obviously lives in a trailer. Thats not even up for debate, the only question is what state? I'm thinking she's in an Oklahoma Trailer....maybe Iowa (sorry citizens thereof, good thing my 5 readers aren't from there).

Cmon People.....are you watching

How the HELL did Jerry Springer last thorugh yesterday's vote? He's horrible and not even funny....he's just bad. I didn't get a chance to see the show last night but I can only imagine how horrible it was and I'm disgusted that Jerry is still here.

Now I have to keep watching just to inflict pain on myself as Jerry continues making it through each week.

Did Slater make out with this partner or anything kinky?

Dancing with the Stars

Joey Lawrence looks like a gay cue ball. I’m not sure you can have a gay inanimate object but if a cue ball could be gay it would look like Joey Lawrence. I challenge anyone to go to IMDB and confess they have seen anything he has done in the last 5 years…..cmon…I dare ya.

I don’t know who Sara and Tony are but Tony should shut up about his fans. I don’t think he has any fans.

Mario Lopez is done kicking Zach’s ass and he’s kicking the very same. He appears to be the man of this season and apparently he really is screwing his dance-mate. FINALLY, one of the contestants is admitting to and acknowledging that they are sleeping together…..at least I think that’s just what happened. I just wish Jesse would be in the competition based on her hit performance in Showgirls. With all that classic dancing she seems RIPE for the show.
Judge’s comments: The old guy just said he was the opposite of Joey….ummm because he’s straight and believable that he enjoys dancing with a woman? The gay judge (you know the one, its really obvious) just said something about throbbing and hammering. Pretty sure he was thinking of Slater hammering it home.

Good GOD….the hits keep coming….its Slater’s birthday and some other queer dancer just brought him some giant cake while he stood there with no knife and nothing possible to do with the tower of batter and icing. What was he supposed to do with that??? Why not just bring him a piece to bite into?

How and why is Jerry Springer still on here? Oh god, they just showed Jerry with no shirt……not good. Oh god….he’s dancing….he has two moraccos and is just flailing them around…..just played air drums on the feather in her ass of her costume….just played air drums on her belly (sort of)…..he’s NOT dancing in ANY sense of the word yet the crowd is going crazy. Last year’s old idiot, George Hamilton, was at least semi-charming and MUCH better than this.
Judge’s Comments: chick says he made her laugh…of course…he’s an idiot. Old guy isn’t even understandable in that dumb British accent.

Louie and the girl from high school musical just danced…..the gay judge is crazy describing the dance…I can’t even put it into words… I have NO idea what he was saying, he’s a lunatic.

Emmitt is doing the Samba (no idea how to spell it, nor do I care). Apparently the only issue in doing the Samba is making sure you are properly adjusted by your chiropractor. His partner Cheryl went from professional singer/dancer Drew Lachey to a football klutz. I’m still waiting for the story to break that Cheryl and Drew are an item. It’s gonna happen…..TRUST ME.

The gay judge is completely incomprehensible. I didn’t understand him during ANY review.

Crazy Ex Friend

I have a friend from high school that really doesnt get it. We are almost 20 years removed from high school and this dude knows things about me that I couldnt even possibly imagine. So here's the deal with this dude......he's an indian guy that I used in high school because he lived near, rode the bus with and was (sort of) friends with 2 girls I was interested with. He could feed me information about their desires to be with me. I was cool so he was just happy I talked with him and was glad to be used. I ended up dating each of the girls through 3 years and used him through the 3 years as I fought with them etc. He idolized me and that was clear. We NEVER hung out as friends.

With that all said.....after 15 years I'm in the airport and I hear my name being yelled out...I'm thinking "i know that voice..."...I'm looking but I dont see anyone I know, keep hearing the voice, nobody....this guy is walking toward me....OH MY GOD...its him...he's about 90 pounds heavier than he was before, he hugging me and he's telling me how its like fate we see each other.

This was two years ago and he's been calling me every 3 months trying to wrap me into some crazy business idea of his.

Today he calls......."hey man, I'm leaving for india for 5 weeks, gonna miss your birthday but wanted to wish you a happy birthday". WHAT.....HUH....how the HELL did he know my BDay??? Good god crazy....don't come back to my life. I couldnt even BEGIN to tell you when he was born.

Is this crazy or what?

An Apology....

NOOO not to any I might have offended, fuck them. I'm apologizing to all 5 of my fans out there how have missed me. I have been busy in the past few weeks and unable or incapable of posting. Things have been crazy with my life but I'm back and promise to be better than ever so come back often, keep in touch and share me with your friends.....I have lots to say as always and won't disappoint.....the buffoons are everywhere and shall be held accountable.

Might even have a guest poster, working out the details but my fans won't be disappointed if it works out.