Saturday, September 29, 2007

Sobriety is Rough

After a pretty serious (yet enjoyable) binge of drinking and stuff.....serious meaning more than the normal vodka and 4-6 beers a night.....I decided to take a break because my path to great riches is heating up and I need to focus. Problem is that somehow I feel worse being sober. All of the sudden I have horrible sinus issues and I'm more tired now than when I drank all the time.

I keep wanting to give in to the bottle but put it off figuring I'll give it a few more days to see if this is just withdrawal or time of year. Could that be the case? Is it possible I am just meant to drink every day? Is it the added items that I was adding to my repertoire? Can that take a week to get over?

I can't even focus on what I need to get done for an important meeting back in the nations capital because I'm all messed up being sober.

How the hell does that work?


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Work Moron of the Day

I saw some lady walk by this little cube.....peak in.....look around for the person who clearly wasn't there and keep looking as if maybe he really was there.

I wanted to say...."hey dumbshit, maybe you should wave your hand over his chair and see if you hit his head....he might be wearing his invisible shield....don't let him fool you".

Then I just chuckled to myself as I walked on to get a Diet Coke.


The Bachelor

OK OK.......I turned the channel and I see this horribly cheesy guy standing there and I have to see what he is doing......Oh FUCK....its The Bachelor and I just got sucked in.

All I can say at this point is he was standing there for 25 women and everyone that comes out of the limo he gives this look.....its a cross between the trying to push a fart out look and a little kid looking at you like "but can I please have the candy". So he gives this look as each one approaches and says in the EXACT same tone EVERY time....."HOW are YOU doooing?".....then he ends the brief intro to each with "Let's have some FUN".

This really is a priceless show. I realized something......the first few episodes are great cause they are all so cheesy and pathetic. Its the end when he really thinks he is in love with a couple and starts meeting family that it gets painful.

I'll be watching for a few weeks.


Dancing with the D Listers

They're back......the D listers wishing for relevance. Another fun season of mockery and its promising to be a good one. I didnt catch all the dancers but I did catch a few.

Before I get to them......programming note...they got rid of the female co-host and replaced her with Drew Lachey. Bad move....he's more awkward than a gay man at a rodeo (a real rodeo with real cowboys). He fumbles over words...tries to be funny at wierd times....He doesn't work.

Some Cheetah girl (Sabrina Bryan) - she looks like the heavy slut in high school. The girl who had the pretty face and big body so she had to put out to be 'liked' she did....and she was for a night at a time.

Marie Osmond - HOUSE....I don't care how old she is...she's a house. Jane Seymour is old too and she looks good.

Jenny Garth - doesn't look like Jenny Garth....ohhhhh thats right....she hasn't done anything in 20 years so how would I know what she should look like.

In the male department I only saw two: some male model that of course I hated so I'll leave it at that and Wayne Newton. Wayne is SOOOO stiff. This guy has been entertaining for 100 can he be so stiff? Of course the judges didn't say anything because you can't insult Wayne Newton but he was B-A-D BAD.

Stay tuned



Monday, September 24, 2007

Oh my....I'm becoming irrelevant

Sarah Jessica Parker's thoughts: Maybe giving up my big show was a bit of a mistake.....perhaps I should call the girls and see if they are feeling as irrelevant as I. I mean people used to like me....give me seats in restaurants.....bring the chef out.....put me on invite lists. Money's running out....I'm not important.....A movie.....I'll call the girls and see if they are up for a movie.

Like those other 3 hags have anything going on....of course they are up for the you or not Sarah....they're in.


Saturday, September 15, 2007

Horrible Pic of the Day

I just love stumbling across BAD pics of otherwise ok people.

Here we have Jessica Biel. The way the wind is blowing simply isn't flattering. Reminds me of walking down the beach with a t-shirt with the wind blowing straight on and trying to get the t-shirt to fall so the gut isn't over emphasized by the material.

She looks like she is wearing a goddamn coat of arms. Like she is wearing a knight's vest (whatever the hell those are called).

Speaking of Jessica, I saw Justin Timberlake's HBO special the other night. That fucker doesn't even sing. He just makes odds noises the entire time. Doof.


I don't get it

I can't sit here and tell you that I'm a fan of Kanye West or that I can even name one of his songs......I can't name one so I'm not a fan. That said, I know the guy is cool. He must be because I know people who think he is and I trust them...I've just never listened.

Now....THAT said.....Kanye....WHAT THE FUCK are you doing here? Why are you stooping to the Ellen DeGeneres show? This is NOT cool. lost a bet....makes sense now.


Monday, September 10, 2007

What a mess

Its all been said today.....not sure what I can add but to agree that Britney Spears is clearly a mess. She looked like she was completely out of it on pain killers or something.

The obvious statement of "why the hell did she dress like that?" hardly needs to be said. You've had 2 kids and you are flabby ......either get yourself in shape or cover up.......SIMPLE.

It wasn't exactly how bad she looked that really got to me because once that shock hit you it was just a fact....she looked like shit. I was most appalled and drawn in by her complete look of confusion throughout the entire thing. She looked like she was lost....completely lost on stage. This then resulted in her barely moving. This is NOT the hip gyrating, sharp moving little slut we all knew and wanted.

I really do think she was high on pain killers. Her demeanor can best be explained this way.


Is this a joke?

Daughtry are you trying to be a mock idiot and just joking around in this pic or are you trying to seriously rock out and prove what a bad ass you are?

I'm seriously hoping the former....I'm assuming the latter.

Goddamn moron. What a buffoon. Just go home already (get it....pun on his ONE song).


Attempt at Relevance: Lisa Marie Presley

Sometimes timing just works out for you and today was one of those days. I got home from my first day at a new job (more on that later) and turned the tv on and there is some singing going 4.....Oprah is on...."what is this" I'm thinking.

"Wait, there's Elvis...some tribute.....who's the chick singing with him?.....OH BOY....NO SHE DIDN'T?"

If you are Elvis' daughter a singing career should be a birth rite but somehow despite her genealogy AND despite the fact that she married the king of pop (which should be another auto placement into the top 10) Lisa Marie hasn't been able to make it. The only conclusion to be drawn is that she must be THAT horrible.

But why give up.....when you can't make it on your own why not just do a duet with famous daddy....Elvis himself......Ohhhhhh cause he's dead.....but this is 2007....why should one's placement in the earth deter someone? The magic of hollywood can overcome the dead.

So there she was singing "In the Ghetto" on Oprah. I have to actually admit I quite liked it. I knew the song from Taylor Hicks' rendition during his year of fame (well 6 months and done) on American Idol.

Lisa, if this doesn't work just stop....please just stop.


Friday, September 07, 2007

Random Thought: Little Person

Should I really giggle as much as I do when I see a little people? You don't see them that often and when you do its like an automatic "I'm at the circus" effect.


Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Best Show Ever

I'm cruising my guide on the TV and I come across a show called Hell Date. I automatically ponder how this isn't must see TV but NBC it isn't. I see its on BET and I'm automatically drawn.

WOW.......NOT disappointed at all. This is now the best show on television. It takes all the dumb reality shows to another level. 5th Wheel, Blind Date, Parental Control, etc......nothing on this show. This is Blind Date meets Candid Camera.

I was amazed at how utterly horribly fantastic it was. I'm sure its all made up shit....but I loved it none the less.



Has Mariah Carey slimmed down or is it my imagination? Is it the dress? I have a hard time believing this prima-donna actually did any exercise. She's so lazy she gets carried around sets and shit.

Either way....I do think she is do something about the bags under those eyes.


George in Action

This is a view of George Clooney's life. "Hi hot young model girl, I'm George Clooney....of course you knew that but I didn't want to be rude before I take you to dinner with my pal Matt Damon which will be right before I take you to my room and nail you later......objections? Thought seafood ok?"


Amy Winehouse she is I supposed to care? This is starting to bother me. At least most the people I see in the dumb pictures I know why I am SUPPOSED to care. With Amy Winehouse, I have no idea.

This is more troublesome than the G.


Let the Feuding Begin

I was wondering how long it would take for the kids sensations for High School Musical to start bickering. They are child stars with egos who all want to be bigger than the next. Can we really believe that these kids are going to be all nice and sweet and get along???? That's the disney story and they are sticking to it....the reality is they are going to battle it out for popularity.

Zac Efron is the clear leader for now....Corbin Bleu made a valiant run with Jump In and he is the only one who can really threaten Zac's supremacy. The girls can't compete with the guys at this age because the audience is 8-12 year old girls.

Think what will become of the High School Musical franchise when Zac and Vanessa Anne Hudgens break up? How will they make #3 with bickering costars? They might have to write that into the script. In fact they should just base the script on the two costars "growing apart". Maybe they won't even have to be in scenes together.

Oh the fun of it all......good luck with that Disney.


MF'ing G

Life sort of rolls on day to day with very little excitement (except for Crazy Rob). I manage to keep the razor blades away from the wrist for the most part but then there are little things that occur which just grate on you and make you wonder why go through it all.....nails on a chalkboard type things....chinese water torture type stuff.

My issue you wonder? What has been the proverbial dripping water in my days?

The mother fucking 'G' fell off the keyboard on my laptop. I can't even begin to tell you how bad this sucks. I don't honestly know that I can get through this.

Ok....enough with the drama.


No you aren't Brad

Brad Pitt says "they're ready for their fifth child".

OK...>I can admit I like Brad Pitt...what guy didn't want to be him and have his life? Noticed the PAST tense. I even included a gratuitous picture for the ladies BUT do you have to be a complete douche bad now?

WHY? WHY do you possibly think ANOTHER munchkin is a good idea? You're getting enough don't need this. Just stop.

Do you really think the posh Hotel Cipriani in Venice (I assume its posh...what do I know of that joint) thinks you need ANOTHER kid running around their establishment? I bet they sure don't.