Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Big Presentation Day

Altoid turned his light on today and that reminded me that I had a light so I went to turn it on and said “I always forget I have that until I see you put yours on”…..he just looked at me…..he didn’t say a word but his face said it all “hmmm, good for you”….thats exactly what he was thinking. Just when I think I’m making progress we take 2 steps back in our relationship.

Meanwhile, Indian guy behind me sees nothing wrong with the fact that I spend hours a day watching my fantasy golf players on the pgatour website simulcast. He thinks its perfectly fine as long as I’m getting my stuff done…….Ummm…hey dude….if I’m sitting here ALL DAY with this little APP up that has guys hitting golf balls around….I’m NOT getting any work done…..that would be impossible. SO is it STILL ok?

Dummy acts like a kid. Its hysterical. We are putting this deck together and he wanted me to make a change…here is the dialogue:

Me: no, we can’t do that, D and S already saw that other number, I’m not changing it now because Sh is a dumb and about to get fired…..its not about his feelings its about the fact that your boss already saw a number and it needs to stay the same
Dummy: fine, well I’m taking out this bullet you made on slide 26 because I don’t know that I agree with it
Me: that slide is buried in the appendix and nobody is going to read that bullet…..oh, I meant to say initiative not phase anyway
Dummy: well I agree with it if it reads initiative but I’m taking it out anyway

Ok 3 year old. You go right ahead.

He was creating to-do’s for himself again. He does it in the 3rd person…he’ll get his paper and he’ll write DDD (initials) to review words. Hey Dummy, I’m not looking at that damn to-do list and neither is anyone else so when you right a to-do for yourself I think its clear that you are the one to do it.

We have a steering committee meeting with 15 people today. I can’t WAIT to see how it goes. I predict I’m laughing through the entire thing. Actually going to be hard not to.

Alright Alright I have to take back 2% of my insults toward Dummy. He did an admirable job in the meeting. It was conducted very professionally and he didn’t mess up or make me laugh once. I almost was stunned that this buffoon who cowers in the presence of his one boss performed as well as he did in front of 15 people. He has this weird mix of superiority, yet insecurity. Superior Dummy showed up for the meeting.

I was once again the youngest guy in the meeting. I’m no spring chicken but around this place I feel 12. I feel like I have to ask for permission to use the poddy.

There were two people in the room opposed to our project because it would put them on the hook for increasing sales. We had this one old lady who LOVED our project….she couldn’t get enough and kept trying to push it to the other guys who were putting us down. Turns out she’s in marketing. Marketing is on the hook for NOTHING so you tell them Customer this, customer that, customer experience, satisfaction, metrics, know your customer and they just salivate. At one point I couldn’t tell if she was really that enthralled or if I should call 911 because she was having an epileptic fit.

Speaking of fits, one guy kept nodding his head at a bunch of things even though I was pretty sure he didn’t agree with it. He’s a bit older as well and I’m wondering if he has Parkinson’s or he was just grin fucking us.

The one weird thing he does is when someone asks him a question he strains his face as if he’s thinking hard yet he’s not thinking hard about an answer cause he already knows what he is going to say…..he actually gets this silly, strained face and looks out into space…..what he’s really thinking is “I can’t believe you just asked that”…..meanwhile the question is very logical 95% of the time.



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