Saturday, February 17, 2007

TGIF Part 2

It’s Friday and for the most part that’s a good thing but I’m getting accustomed to making fun of my comrades and actually starting to enjoy the amusement. The downside of this is that I might need to stay in my cube the rest of my life so I can soak it all in.

Being that it’s Friday that means it’s Bagel Day…..wooo hooooo….Free Bagels for everyone…….huh? what? Not so fast there bucko…..these bagels ARE NOT free. Oh no…….there is a process. I don’t eat carbs really…I limit them (and thereby limiting my carbs has resulted in losing about 15 pounds I gained at my last place of employment while enjoying frivolous good times and an expense account)….Anyway, last week I was tempted to take a bagel but a) I don’t really eat mass carbs of that dose and b) I was suspicious that “free bagel day” had one box that didn’t seem big enough to feed the masses and it was put in this cube in “random aisle” where I sit rather than the kitchen.

Well good thing I didn’t give in to temptation. Turns out the bagels are purchased by “the bagel group”. You have to contribute some amount per month I guess to get into the group and then each person takes their turn and picks up the bagels one week according to their rotation….HMMMMM……you are wondering what I think about this I’m assuming???

Here’s some general thoughts:
Its freaking gay. Cmon….we are all adults here….when you want a bagel stop and get yourself a damn bagel. Panera is right up the street and you’ll do yourself the additional favor of delaying your inevitable appearance at work. Get your bagel when you so desire….don’t be constrained by “only a bagel on Friday”.
Are you getting volume discount but purchasing in mass?? Is this about saving $.35 per bagel purchase? Well actually you are aren’t you? You are buying 2 dozen bagels at $6.00 per dozen rather than spending the $.75 for one bagel. Ohhh, and theres the discount on the larger tub of cream cheese rather than spending the extra $.25 for your individual dab on your $.75 bagel. Here’s a suggestion: Sweep out your fucking cars, dig into those cushions at home, search the streets, empty the kids piggy banks, start saving your change….tons of ways to find $.35 per week.
What if you don’t show up on Friday? That eats right into the cost saving because that bagel will have been purchased. You have to stay in the group an additional 6 months to make up for that donation for a bagel you didn’t eat. Can you call someone in the group and have them try and sell your bagel? Do they mail it to your house? Will they save it for Monday?
There is no bagel slicer for the bagel group. They all come over and struggle cutting with a cheap plastic knife. I keep waiting for the knife to snap in half, fly into someone’s eye and blind them. I guess the group doesn’t have the capital funds for a slicer…..not even a nice knife.

It’s 3:30 and everyone from the Aisle is gone. Checked on the bagels and there are two left……wasted group funds and the cream cheese has been sitting out all day….more wasted funds……its pitiful how they waste.

I think there might be a peanut group too. There is a GIANT can of cocktail peanuts sitting at the end of one of the aisles. WHO the hell brought that in and who THE HELL is about to reach into that giant can of peanuts??? That can is so big and the peanuts are reaching near the bottom….this means one thing…..LOTS of hands have been in that can.

Another meeting with my boss and his boss this afternoon. I love watching my boss act as if he has 20 years less experience than he does. Seriously, he would be a great manager at a consulting firm with all the detail work he does but he really cowers when he is in the presence of his boss…..just like a 28 year old consultant would do in front of an SVP.

Sure enough…just got out of the meeting and my boss was fumbling around like an UN-seasoned professional. He has the answers, knows the information but just can’t get it out. This dude needs to sell a $60 program to a bunch of Business Unit leads… simply AINT gonna happen. He has an MBA from a major business school out west yet he fumbles around like a moron. Its great. Sooner or later I’m gonna have to take over.



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