Hump Day??? Not for Me
Altoid said good morning to me with no prompting but when I said ‘how’s it going’ back to him he didn’t so much as give me that grunt. Why even say good morning if you don’t want to create a dialogue.
Anyway, today is a great day for me. Over my big presentation and the Accenture Match Play (golf) is getting started today so I really plan on just watching golf today not much else other than listening to Dummy spew out things we should do next. I'm gonna just sit here and watch my simulcast of the golf tournament. Guy behind me thinks its ok.
Someone brought in 3 loaves of bread. Random loaves of bread sitting on the filing cabinet at the end of the aisle with a little plastic knife. What kind of moron is actually going to dig into that bread. Its not special delicious bread…..just bread from what I can tell.
The kitchenette has one of those quarter candy vending things. You put a quarter in and can get some M&M’s, Peanuts, Reeses Pieces…..etc….well they also have Mike & Ike’s which I am a BIG fan of. I get a quarter’s worth every day when I need a boost. The thing says all the money goes to charity but based on what I can tell its all one big scam. The machine clearly states on every item where you put the quarter “Turn Slow for Maximum Vend”. I trusted them all this time figuring it was a charity thing…..I stand there turning that thing as slow as possible…..you could milk a cow, churn the shit and have yourself a slab of butter on some bread you baked fresh during the time I’m standing there turning that thing…I want every last Mike & Ike I got coming to me. Well I just had a thought….and as luck would have it 2 Quarters…..WHAT IF that turn slow thing was all a bunch of bullshit? So I tested it. Wouldn’t you know….I got 17 turning slow and 20 turning fast. Pretty damn pissed about the false advertising but pretty glad I found out sooner rather than later.
I went to lunch with a buddy of mine that works here. He’s an IT director and drives a sweet Lexus……he carries some “key” type thing with a chip that the car recognizes when he gets close and unlocks….then he just presses a button to start the car……no real key…..how beautiful is that? I might have to reconsider my vehicle of choice. If this IT Director can have that car than damn if I can’t. Who doesn’t want a car with no key??? WHO I ask?
It’s 5PM….wrapped up at 5 on the dot…I haven’t noticed this to be a trend but I’ll be watching from now on. Other interesting point is that the bread is all gone. I didn’t see anyone actually take any but it’s all gone. Go figure. I’m going to have to thing of something really random and nasty to put out and see if people will eat it just cause its there. I’ll come in early some day so nobody sees its me. Maybe I should start at something like Fruit Cake and progressively get more disgusting until I find the bar of what people will eat as long as its free. Start with some nasty dry cookies…then fruit cake, then I’ll have some veges with dip, then I’ll have like Brussels Sprouts, then I’ll find some deer poop and see if people mistake it for some form of candy……I’m giggling at the thought of a plate of deer poop sitting on the aisle and people checking it out wondering if they should eat it…..”hmmmm….almost looks like a malted milk ball….hmmmm……well if I see anyone else trying one then I will”.
Anyway, today is a great day for me. Over my big presentation and the Accenture Match Play (golf) is getting started today so I really plan on just watching golf today not much else other than listening to Dummy spew out things we should do next. I'm gonna just sit here and watch my simulcast of the golf tournament. Guy behind me thinks its ok.
Someone brought in 3 loaves of bread. Random loaves of bread sitting on the filing cabinet at the end of the aisle with a little plastic knife. What kind of moron is actually going to dig into that bread. Its not special delicious bread…..just bread from what I can tell.
The kitchenette has one of those quarter candy vending things. You put a quarter in and can get some M&M’s, Peanuts, Reeses Pieces…..etc….well they also have Mike & Ike’s which I am a BIG fan of. I get a quarter’s worth every day when I need a boost. The thing says all the money goes to charity but based on what I can tell its all one big scam. The machine clearly states on every item where you put the quarter “Turn Slow for Maximum Vend”. I trusted them all this time figuring it was a charity thing…..I stand there turning that thing as slow as possible…..you could milk a cow, churn the shit and have yourself a slab of butter on some bread you baked fresh during the time I’m standing there turning that thing…I want every last Mike & Ike I got coming to me. Well I just had a thought….and as luck would have it 2 Quarters…..WHAT IF that turn slow thing was all a bunch of bullshit? So I tested it. Wouldn’t you know….I got 17 turning slow and 20 turning fast. Pretty damn pissed about the false advertising but pretty glad I found out sooner rather than later.
I went to lunch with a buddy of mine that works here. He’s an IT director and drives a sweet Lexus……he carries some “key” type thing with a chip that the car recognizes when he gets close and unlocks….then he just presses a button to start the car……no real key…..how beautiful is that? I might have to reconsider my vehicle of choice. If this IT Director can have that car than damn if I can’t. Who doesn’t want a car with no key??? WHO I ask?
It’s 5PM….wrapped up at 5 on the dot…I haven’t noticed this to be a trend but I’ll be watching from now on. Other interesting point is that the bread is all gone. I didn’t see anyone actually take any but it’s all gone. Go figure. I’m going to have to thing of something really random and nasty to put out and see if people will eat it just cause its there. I’ll come in early some day so nobody sees its me. Maybe I should start at something like Fruit Cake and progressively get more disgusting until I find the bar of what people will eat as long as its free. Start with some nasty dry cookies…then fruit cake, then I’ll have some veges with dip, then I’ll have like Brussels Sprouts, then I’ll find some deer poop and see if people mistake it for some form of candy……I’m giggling at the thought of a plate of deer poop sitting on the aisle and people checking it out wondering if they should eat it…..”hmmmm….almost looks like a malted milk ball….hmmmm……well if I see anyone else trying one then I will”.
Labels: Work
posted by The Buffoonery at 5:50 PM
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