Oh No.....Prince Harry

So I see a link on AOL about Prince Harry's legal problems. Of course I click on that...I'm thinking he had someone killed, he was busted with drugs, rape charges.....something juicy.

The idiot was caught shooting some birds.....rare birds....but BIRDS none-the-less. Holy shit. This is a problem?

Unbelievable. Hang Prince Harry. I say hang him

See Jessie

Somehow relevant....People was good today. Treating the Buffoonery well.

Hey Owen

Razor Blade, Overdose.....scare ya?

Sorry...was that tasteless?

Note to Jessie

Jessica Simpson....quick, do something...anything....I'd recommend something REALLY foolish and stupid...something outrageous. You are DANGEROUSLY close to becoming irrelevant so time is running out.

Few possibilities: drug habit, pregnancy, hook an A lister, prison time, turn lesbo, steal Nick back.....SOMETHING...maybe try starting with LESS clothing.

Oh the Horror

NOOOOO no reference to morons dressing up like idiots pretending to be random items or creatures. I'm referring to Lance Armstrong getting chummy with Ashley Olsen.

At first (and still) I was outraged. How can that old man be hanging with that young girl. Then I saw that he was only 36 and she was 22 so big deal on the age.

The real issue is why does it seem that Lance should be 55 and Ashley should only be 12? It seems WAY more disgusting when you consider your perception of their age vs reality. Like I'm only 18 in my mind so its ok if I look at high school girls.

Who's Who

Here is a picture of Denise Richards and Carmen Electra. Perhaps it should be clear and obvious but these two look ALOT alike. I honestly can't tell you which is on the right and which is on the left. NO CLUE.

Is it just me? Does everyone else know? The one on the right looks older than I thought either of these chick actually were.

Moron Alert

Halle Berry is one of those hot but completely asexual people....ala Jennifer Aniston. You see her and think beautiful but just no desire to do her because there isn't anything sexual about her. We know Halle must be a prude because she's Halle Fucking Berry and she still can't keep a man. There has to be a reason and I think it's obvious.....she's horrible or uninterested in bed.

Halle, if you couldn't keep a man happy when you had a great body and no responsibilities of a kid, good freaking luck doing it with a kid and a the hips exploding.

By the way....do you know where your man is?

All Hail the Chief

Well good morning President Clooney. Have a nice jog President Clooney.

I don't know why but when I saw Mr. Clooney jogging all I could think is that he looked like a president out for a jog.

She is Right Up There

I saw this picture and thought: God Renee Zellweger has become annoying. Remember when she was just the adorable girl from Jerry McQuire? "You had me at hello". Ok, OK...sappy I know but I'm a sports fan, it was a sports movie and she was sort of cute.

Then I started thinking......Renee is pretty much tied with Tom Cruise in the annoying factor. She's right up there. Don't you just want to punch her?

By the way.....Jerry......You should have stayed out on top. You are looking puffy my friend. Is that gas causing you to look like that Jerry or are you as annoyed by Renee as we are?

Can't be, can it?

The caption of this pic was something Lindsay Lohan meeting a friend out for a bit of pizza.

Lindsay, is that pig behind you the kind of company you keep? Could that be your friend? I would have assumed that Lindsay only hung out with beautiful people but then I thought "it did mention she was eating pizza....that girl looks like she enjoys a slice or 10".

Funny.....Vince Vaughn is on Monday Night Football in the booth. He actually looks like this girl in the background. Maybe Lindsay was having lunch with Vince????

Get this.....

Ok...I just saw the funniest thing ever and I'm going to try and capture the scene. In order for you to laugh at this you are going to have to visualize. Picture the following:

I'm walking down the hall to the restroom. Out of a row of cubes halfway down the hall comes this man and woman. They have their coats on, its about 10:30AM....they are obviously going outside for a cigarette. They are walking really slow and I'm behind them. We get to the end of the hall and have to make a left. Just as we make a left a woman...probably in her late 30s, early 40s, must be a director or higher because she came out of an office....so, this woman comes up, walking in a hurry but doesn't get in front of the slow poke older couple going for a stroll and a smoke (in NO hurry). The woman is walking side by side with me being held up by the slow pokes. I say to her "in a hurry huh" because I can see she looks frustrated by the slow couple.

ok.....got the visual because here is where it gets funny:

The woman....probably a director or above in her late 30s, early 40s is practically right over the shoulder of the slow couple and she starts doing this mock jogging in place with her head bobbing from one side to the next in complete mockery of the old couple. I giggled the entire way into the bathroom, through my pee-pee and all the way back to my office. Seeing a grown woman doing a mock jog with head bobbing back and forth right over these people shoulders.

Now thats funny.....if you could visualize.

Slipper Guy

I've been trying to figure out 'who' I can be at work. I want to be known for something. Something that everyone talks about......'have you seen that x guy yet.....what's with him...what a quack'. I first thought of being the annoying elevator guy.

This is the guy that talks loud in the elevator and gets into everyone's business.......'hey whats that....get a little lunch? what did you get? oh yeah, I haven't tried that is it any good.....ever have the chili....its ok but not spicy enough....you like chilli.....ok see you later..have a great day'.......'what do you got there? a book? what are you reading? oh, I dont know that book, who's the author? interesting, I don't know that author....you know John Grisham....I love his stuff...I don't get to read a whole lot cause I'm really busy but I like Grisham when I do have a chance....I read that book The Firm a couple weeks ago.....wow...the suspense in that story...you read it?"

I decided I couldn't pull off elevator guy because that requires me to be a people person and I don't want to get involved.

So today I'm in my office (yes, real office, 4 walls and a door.....I don't use office as a term for a cube.....sorry cube dwelling suckers)....anyway....in my office...no meetings today....alot of work......I'm feeling confined by my shoes....claustrophobic even......kick off the shoes but then you have the whole 'shoes off' thing going on so my solution??? I'm going to be slipper guy. I'm going to bring slippers into the office. I'm going to kick it in slippers in the confines of my office.

I might even go further and bring in different size slippers for guests and request that each guest takes off their shoes and puts on a pair of slippers. I'll get some of that bowling alley spray stuff and clean each pair before I give them out.

Slippers come Monday (all day meeting on Friday, no point.

Why does my mind work this way......

I'm at the little convenience store in the building getting a drink.....diet green tea, lipton citrus....delish. Woman in front of me is dicking around and makes some random comment about her forehead...here is the first thought that entered into my head:

Just move along lady or I'm going to take the bottom of my shoe to that goddamn forehead.

Elevator Girl

Ummmmmm hey elevator girl....I DO NOT care why you decided to wear that Football Jersey today and I REALLY DO NOT care what jersey you intend to wear tomorrow. I also DO NOT care who the jersey's belong to, what you had to do to borrow them or what time last night you had to wash it to be ready for the day. I'm happy that the highlight of your week is that you are allowed to wear those Jersey's for two days. Ok....thats a stretch, I actually don't care about that either.

This took place two weeks ago in one of the other buildings I have to go to. It was clear at the time the girl took a shine to me on the spot and now every time I go to that building there is elevator girl....smiling at me, hoping I'm going to engage her in conversation. The 15 minutes of discussion on the jerseys was enough interaction for me pretty much for the rest of my life so STOP.

Hello..........

Ok...its been awhile. I know that at least one reader is miffed but I have been truly busy.

First off......ok....30 days of sobriety became 6 days...I made it 6 and then slowed down a bit here and there but its been my birthday week so I'm back to hitting it a little harder than I should but I'll let up after Saturday to regain focus on becoming extremely wealthy.....I have too much riding on this not to focus.....ok maybe Sunday.

Best thing I've done at work is get an ipod docking station for my office. Music keeps me sane.

I road public transportation today for a brief period and that was enough. I have all these people at work, friends, etc who are constantly advising me the best way to get to work....park here and take the 38C bus, it drops you off right at the corner....park here and take the subway, its cheaper than parking and takes less time than sitting in traffic.....and on and on. Public Transportation is nasty. Nasty filthy. I was holding on to a pole and I could feel the filth seeping into my body. I could not wait to get to the office to wash my hands. Only reason I did this today was because I'm going out and have a ride home so didn't want to have my car because there will be beverages involved.....ALOT of beverages.

My biggest knock on public transportation comes back down to the fact that I don't want to sit amongst all the other drones schlepping to work. Seeing them all depressed with their miserable lives. Like a heard of cattle just sitting emotionless as they are carted to their barn.

Give me the solitude of my vehicle with my Sirius Satellite radio, plenty of traffic to delay my impending arrival and the freedom to touch myself (should I desire) any day.

Sorry but its how I feel

What I would do to have Sarah Jessica Parker die before Sex In the City movie is made. I know this won't be appreciated by some/many of you but I don't really care........I don't want to have to deal with these dumb, old, washed up "actresses" taking over publicity trips, the mags, People, etc.
I thought I was so done with these morons.

Future Teen Star Mess

I called this awhile ago and now here is proof. Tell me Zac Efron doesn't look stoned on heroin here? He is well on his way to being a mess. Vanessa Hudgens doesn't seem too bad but she doesn't look great either.

Rehab.....here we come. Disney must be so proud.....first Minnie is turning into a slut and now these two.

Minnie...You Vixen

I guess Minnie goes both ways....first John Stamos and now Christina Aguilera.

Maybe she is going to be the next star of the show on MTV with the bi-sexual looking for love. A shot of Love with Tequila.

Speaking of.....I don't know about that show. Just not sure.

What a Look

Who told Mary Kate Olsen that the Ozzy Osbourne look was cool? Is it possible that she is previewing her Halloween costume? She looks waaaaaay too much like Ozzy here to be a coincidence.

On the red carpet

My friend Fashion Kitty hanging out with Sarah Ferguson. She's a mover and shaker folks.

Don't do it John Stamos

Ok, Ok....We know you are a ladies man John but don't nail Minnie Mouse. Leave poor Minne with some dignity. We know how you work....first you have her checking your heartbeat with that stethescope....then you have her giving you the 'cough test' and then she's in your bedroom big floppy ears pinned back screaming out your name.

Let her be.....go after Daisy Duck, she's an easy little whore...everyone knows that.

Rumor Central

God I so hope the rumors of Jennifer Lopez being pregnant are real and she explodes. I'm hoping for the next coming of Aretha Franklin. Why do I wish such horror on people? Because the current J-Lo is getting boring.....it could be fun to see what happens to her if she explodes....how will the icon handle it?

And who the hell is going to carry your fat exploded ass around sets then Jennie?

This should tell you something

Hey Amy Winehouse.....when Mary Kate and Ashley look scared as shit and seem to be wondering "whats with the freak" you know you have REAL issues.

This is a sign you need help.

Warning: Politically Incorrect Posting

So I'm at work yesterday in my elevator and this dude in a wheelchair gets in. I don't think much of it at first.....my workplace is all into helping handicap and its a fine thing to do so there you go.....a dude in a wheelchair.

Then I get in and this guy wasn't just in a wheelchair.....he was a freaking mess.....COMPLETE mess. His arms were mangled behind him (not sure how the fuck he was moving himself but he was pretty good), he couldn't speak at all and his face was all fucked up......a poster boy for really bad MS. You couldn't help but feeling bad for the guy but cmon.....should he be working??? NOOOO.

So....his manager is in the elevator with him and she's trying to talk to him but the dude couldn't get an understandable word out. So she kept trying to finish his sentences and was getting noticeably agitated. At this point I'm somewhere between laughing at this poor manager bastard who has to deal with it and disturbed at the fact that this poor manager has to deal with this every day.

I know this is a tad cruel but if you were the manager you'd understand.

Pam Anderson and Kid Rock

I don't even know where to begin here.......

Yesterday I'm driving to work listening to Howard and Kid Rock was on. I like Kid Rock....go ahead....mock me....I'm fine with that. Kid was talking about Pam and basically ripping into her. Saying how crazy and insecure she was. The most surprising thing about the interview was that Kid said one of the big issues he had was money. Basically Pam has no money. That surprised me. I'd figure Pam has to have money just for being Pam. I guess you don't get paid to just be hot. You have to find someone (like Kid) and dupe him into marrying you.

Then I'm sitting in my office on the internet and I see that Pam got married or announced she is getting married. I'm putting it all together and thinking....."this insecure bitch is using the power of her female anatomy to sucker some dope into marrying her right at the same time Kid is putting out his album". This dumb bitch is just trying to one up Kid and this is the only way she knows how.

Nice work Pam. You really showed him. I've just decided that when I'm rich I don't want you afterall......you seem like a real pain in the ass.

Hmmmmm

So I see this pic and my first thought is "hey Vicky, nice tits" but then I quickly get over that and realize that the real point of this pic is this:

What are the odds this kid isn't getting laid by the age of 12? I'm officially setting the over / under on when he loses his virginity at 12.

Bad Mo-Fo

Now this is a bad ass dude in my opinion. Joaquin Phoenix hasn't done nearly enough stuff in his lifetime. I saw this pic and checked IMDB....he really hasn't done as much as you'd expect of someone of his stature.

We need more of this dude and less of the other morons.

Hip Hop Nation

Ok, Ok......so I'm not exactly the stereotype of the person listening to hip hop but all of the sudden I'm tuned in to Hip Hop nation on a daily basis. I've always had a soft spot for the guilty pleasure of the sweet beats and dancing in my car and I've refound the love.

My favorite song at the moment is Kanye West's Stronger....heard it at a Football game and with a little help (thanks Kitty) I searched all Kanye's stuff and found the song. Today I was caught up in a little Overnight Celebrity by someone named Twista. Also took a shine to Low by Flo-Rida. Jury is still out on Timbaland but I sort of liked The Way I Are (that boy needs grammar lessons).

Is Jam On It by Newcleus still cool???? Heard that and started groving but figured I should change the channel.

The Next Britney

I saw Ashley Tisdale's video "He said, She Said" the other day on a plane (god JetBlue is sweet with those TV's per seat). All I could think is that we are watching the next Britney Spears train wreck in the making.

She was dressed just like Britney in the first little school girl video, sang like her, danced like her....the whole thing.

Let's remember, Britney got her start with Disney too.

Eaten by a bear

Hey Artie Lang, her name might be Cupcake but don't eat her.

Artie had his chance to makeout with a pornstar on the show on Thursday. Seriously...is there anything more disgusting than this fucking grizzly bear eating this porn star?

Play it again Sam

Ok....last time I gave Lindsay Lohan 69 days.....that was 60 too many. This time I'm setting the over / under at 22. She can't go past 22 days sober and clear of trouble.....Can she?

Prove me wrong Lindsay....I asked before and I'm asking again.

Wedding Bells are Ringing

Thats right...Jenna Bush is engaged. Why do I care you might be thinking to yourself. Well thats easy.....I really DON'T.

So who is this man in this picture you are wondering? What does this have to do with Jenna Bush? Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Jenna's soon-to-be Father in Law......also known as the man most likely to EAT Jenna for Thanksgiving dinner.

Why do I have visions of Princess Lea sitting at Jabba the Huts feet?

The City of Brotherly Love

I saw yesterday that Philadelphia is going to ask for 10,000 volunteers to hang around on corners of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the city. Sounds sort of like those Guardian Angel dudes from days gone by. There will be 3 volunteers on every corner.

These are corners currently overrun with gangsters, drug dealers, kids killing each other, drive bys and the like.

If I'm one of these dudes that currently "owns" one of the corners am I really going to go away because 3 dudes with arms bands are standing there??? Probably not....in fact I'm probably going to walk up to the 3 dudes and say "get the fuck off my corner or I'll shoot you". If the 3 dudes don't leave.....I'm really going to shoot them.

Where do I sign?

Don't be Fooled

At first when I saw this picture I thought "this is what I'm talking about...go ahead and shove it in there Jessica". Then I took a closer look. There isn't ONE bite taken from this sandwhich.

Clearly this is just a photo opp. I'm sure there will be pictures soon of her trowing the sandwhich away.

Nice try Jessica Biel.

Lord of The Rings part 4?

Clearly Keira Knightley doesn't realize that there is no part 4 of Lord of the Rings. She can stop trying to look the part of Gollum. In fact, she should beef up and try to look more like a hobbit.

Swank's Fitness Secret

There is an article in People about Hillary Swank's fitness secret. Isn't it obvious?

When you are training for the Kentucky Derby you run ALOT? I'm not talking about training as a jockey...this horse-face is a contender.

NEEEIIIGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3rd Times a Charm

Pam Anderson....you are one crazy bitch. Going out and getting married just like that. It was only a few months ago I saw you on Letterman fawning over the magician and now you are off getting married to some random dude (Rick Salomon.....who the hell is that???).

Just googled Ricky.....man of Paris Hilton sex tape fame....man of Shannon Doherty horrible marriage. Son of someone important. Thats what he's done.

Ohhhhh Pammy...maybe I can be number 4?